Post 225: The goose is getting fat.
A Victorian-styled green tree will soon infest our homes and start the process of dressing our homes for Christmas.
Both inside and out there’s a mad obsession to use the electric power we have been trying to save all year. Where did our logic go?
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For us, this year, it’s clear we will not send out Christmas cards due to the death of our Kev, who would probably laugh at the quaint traditions bent out of shape while trying to fit them
into our modern life.
Years ago when “mum” (my Darling’s mum) passed away suddenly right after our first was born, traditions were very different, or maybe life was different and traditions were the same.
The first thing I noticed was there was no TV or radio anywhere in the first few weeks as a mark of respect. There were other things at that time but it was only when we got to Christmas (those 9 months later) that the “respect” had received a new lease of life. No Christmas cards were sent or received.
That was nearly 33 years ago and things have changed in many ways, but it’ll be interesting how many family members will resist the temptation and send cards out.
I’m not bothered either way and will remember Kev in my own special way. His effect on our holiday last January was profound and memorable. It’s that that I remember and relive every day — a kind man that did his utmost to make your time with him a pleasure for you.
A pleasure to treasure.
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My Darling’s gone to work which means I should really be asleep and dreaming of better days.
Today was a better day thanks to my Big Sis and Brother-in-Law but also my Darling.
There’s always time to hold hands and just be.
It was after my Darling had been reminded by me that our friend’s cat needed feeding while they’re away, that she shot off and fed the little black beauty. She would have remembered but as I’m here all day doing naught, it’s something that I can do, and do easily.
With that done she could pop back to bed and get some shut-eye.
It was after her eyes closed that I received a text from Big Sis that she would be popping down to see us. I was happy with that because I hadn’t seen her, them, for a while and it’ll give me a boost. A sibling boost I didn’t acquire until recently.
It’s funny how perceptions change and lifestyles change too in such a short time. It was Mum’s death (July three years ago) that crashed into my diagnosis of cancer that changed everything; or should that be the other way around.
Two weeks after she, Mum, was cremated I had the news, we all had the news. Big Sis probably did get affected badly but I was looking the other way.
I had my own troubles, I didn’t need the extra bother of what I was putting my family through.
Now I look back, I wouldn’t have done things differently, but I might have checked in on my bro and sis with a little more quality time, not just my sad and scary offloading.
I used to dump all the medical stuff on them and then disappear like a wraith in the night. As I look back now it’s obvious I could have been less black and white about every bloody detail.
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While we were skipping over the cobbles of each other’s medical issues and wishing all is well with each cataract or pre-diabetic check, and I mentioned the reasoning for the choices I have in front of me, I allowed myself to read the room and temper the words I use.
I have a bad habit of bleeding out the whole 9 yds and not being too aware of the situation around me. It’s now embarrassing to think back at how dreadful I’ve been.
Why did it take this long to add up how selfish that was?
I’m changing.
I’m learning.
The gifts that Big Sis brought up were, as usual, perfect for a sweet-toothed brother. This week will be tough on a few people and I need to be careful how I relay the information I get to my loved ones.
They will be waiting just as anxiously as me.
Yes, I’m not feeling as angry as yesterday, but that can change in an instant.
I must try harder to be a better person.
Have a great evening and weekend too.
The pyramidal choc project is nearly over, but the results might have to wait on another full bag of chocs to be on the safe side. Just to be sure you understand.
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I’m not sure how to feel just now. I want to be brave and inquiring but might just end up being my usual quiet and despondent self.
Good night
