I have stayed in the house today, all day, with my pains.
Unfortunately, I’m in so much pain I can barely hold this phone, propped up in bed.
It starts with the neck (right-hand side), shoulders, the whole right side of my trunk from top to bottom, both hips, and then the muscle wastage — especially in the right leg and my right arm is week and useless.
All together it’s a debilitating string of complaints and complications.
I look and feel like I’m a hundred years old. I’m moaning and groaning constantly. This is as bad as it was when I first received the bed and the chair.
I feel like I might fall and struggle to get up — that’s new — and the thought of anyone having to help me up is frightening. It’s a feeling I’m too weak to help myself. I’m 61 for gods sake.
Yesterday’s “fun” might be the cause of all this, but with everyone around me, including my family on the forum, saying get out, do what you normally do, I’ve had a horrible reaction to the practical reality of it.
If I can’t enjoy myself, and staying in the house also brings no joy, then what on earth am I meant to enjoy?
It’s pain that refuses to go even with maximum morphine. If it carries on, I’ll ring the nurse line and see if they can help make things bearable.
This Wednesday’s radiotherapy might be a total write-off simply because everything hurts.
Let’s hope it settles by then.
Last night my Darling helped me into bed, and I cried my heart out on her shoulder, telling her I felt useless. In fact I’ve broken down many times today.
My Darling went back to work today (her phased return) from 04:45 till 10am, and I would have loved to get her flowers and take her out — which I will another time — but doing that in this state just isn’t wise.
I need to get better, and quickly.
I hope you are all well and happy.
Good night.
PS
What the picture of?
