Post 204: Why is there so much pain.
All the pills
work sometimes.
Most of the pain
comes and goes.
New problems
for the list —
never gone,
they just stay.
———
My Darling lit a candle for Kev at Carlisle Cathedral. There’s nowhere we go where we don’t think of him and quietly say hello.
Many candles were already burning brightly on the black iron stand, their small flames dancing against the metal and stone.
Like many great churches, it began as a Catholic place of worship before King Henry VIII imposed his new religion. Remarkably, this cathedral escaped much of his wrath, so much of its beauty and form remain intact. There are many wonders to see — but none more striking than the deep blue ceiling, painted with 176 panels, each holding sixteen golden stars. Except one panel. That single imperfection (of only 15 stars) was left deliberately, to remind us that we, too, are imperfect.
The problem is trying to find it…
———
Today was a day of two halves.
The morning was quiet while my Darling rested up in bed. I’d promised to stay in bed too — and I did, for a while. But temptation got the better of me. I pulled on my shorts and went outside to clear the prunings left from when our youngest had visited, saw in hand, and taken on the spiky hawthorn and pyracantha. He’d made short work of the job and left it all piled up for me to finish the job later. So, I set about cutting the branches down and filling the green bin with the smaller trimmings, ramming them down to get them all in.
With that done, I turned to the raised beds. The wild garlic weeds have taken over in recent years while I’ve been on the cancer bus — and they’ll be a nightmare to get rid of. But at least I’ve started.
I was happily pottering when my Darling called time on my efforts, reminding me that soup was on the table. So in I went, cheerful but caught by her look — the kind that says, “You’ve overdone it again.” She wasn’t wrong.
By late afternoon, the aches arrived in waves: the left hip throbbing, the rib tender, my back beginning to ache, and my ankles swelling again. When will it stop? It was never like this before. The right shoulder’s not happy either — that rotator cuff is doing its own protest.
God help anyone living with pain. Truly.
Yes, I’m moaning. No, the pain won’t just fade. Yes, the powwow is this Thursday — and I can’t wait. I want answers, scan results, something solid to work with. Although I still don’t know what’s happened to the MRI — it seems to have vanished into the ether.
Anyway, I’ve taken a dose of Oramorph and will soon be sound asleep. That should keep the aches at bay for a while.
Good night — sleep well.
