Post 165: My Darling Says I Look Great.
An unbiased opinion says it all — and I’m happy to say I’m back and starting to feel a bit more “on it”.
Shall we say goodbye to the third person for a while and get to the end of this hopping on and off without the safety net?
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Today I needed no prompting from my Darling. I woke up feeling awake and ready for a normal Friday.
My plan was simple: restart the bowels, eat well, eat healthy — but first, make my Darling believe I was strong enough that she could have the Friday she deserves with her friends (especially Sally) without worrying about me.
Two days ago I gave Sally the shock of her life when she came round with a grab-rail for the loo and a shower seat to help me (and my Darling) through the horrid week I’d rather forget. I must have looked like death to her.
Sally’s a strong businesswoman, used to dealing with anything life throws at her, but even she wasn’t prepared for my super-quick decline. I thought I was being brave, but the truth is the storm had already swallowed me whole — something my Darling and Sally could both see.
The tears and hugs they shared out of sight stayed hidden until my Darling returned from the café that day. That was when I realised just how much better I was feeling today. When you stand up and look back at the distance you’ve struggled, the hill doesn’t look quite so impossible anymore. There’s plenty still to go, but positivity now feels useful— even needed.
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Big Sis arrived at 1pm for her lunch-slash-babysit, but before I get to that I want to mention something the Hospice Doctor said this week. His words have stayed with me:
“Sometimes, no matter how much positivity surrounds you, bad days will come. Allow yourself a bad day or two. Let negativity win for a change. If you feel terrible for a while, revisit it later and let positivity raise you again. Don’t expect to be strong all the time — but come back stronger.”
That’s not exactly how he said it, but that’s how it landed with me.
Let yourself wallow. Cry if you need to. Hide for a day. Then shave, shower, stand up again, and walk on proudly knowing some of the crap is now behind you — and all those hands reaching out to help are still there, ready to pull you forward.
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Sis gave me the longest hug ever when she arrived, her usual bag of goodies slung over her arm. She wouldn’t let go, and I was glad to let the emotions flow without words.
Eventually we sat and investigated the goodies, one gift in her lunch bag caught my eye — sweet potato and chilli soup. That was my lunch sorted. While I heated it up she worked through her own packed lunch, listening and guiding me through what was palatable for her to hear during lunchtime chat. Big Sis reads every blog and feels the pain and laughter keenly, so this week’s posts have been hard on everyone, especially her. Hence the very long hug.
We’d barely finished our usual chat when my Darling returned early from her great day-out with Sally. The three of us together covered the whole nine yards and we proudly showed Big Sis the hospital bed and recovery room where I’m beginning to let the miracles happen.
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Being as strong today as I am is testament to pills, potions, love, advice, positivity, borrowed energy — and my Darling’s care.
I’m getting there. It’s not easy, but by following the time-honoured ways it’s my job to succeed. Only I can climb that hill.
I’ve started, so I’ll finish (as Magnus Magnusson used to say).
But actually, this is the end — and I wish you all well from my recovery suite.
So it’s goodbye from me… and goodnight from him.
Good night.
