I was diagnosed with stage 1 womb cancer 3 years ago. I had a radical hysterectomy but was very fortunate as i did not need to have either radio or chemotherapy. However i did not have any children at the time and have struggled with this ever since. I have moved on with life as much as i can, i have been promoted in work, carried on being an aunty to 1 beautiful niece and 2 handsomemy nephews and they mean everything to me. i have a huge support network of caring and loving family and friends. I enjoy my holidays, eating out socialising etc, but everyday when i waken up i have a sick feeling , a huge feeling of emptyness. - Am i alone with these thoughts and feeling??
I should be celebrating life but i feel that i am in a quick sand senario that i cant get out of.
I have been on anti-depressants but moved off them within 6 months , i attended the Maggie Centre for support but i cant shake this feeling. i thought that the passing of time may ease things but in all honesty i feel its getting worse.
FormerMember
This really touched a nerve with me and I can in some way understand how you feel, although my situation is different. I'm the oldest of three, sister and a brother. I was always the girly one, my sister the tomboy. I was the one who baby sat for friends, neighbours and family. It never occured to me that I wouldn't have children, I would imagine how the nursery would look and I would be a stay at home Mum etc - all very rosy and unrealistic lol. But it didn't happen, I didn't meet the right man - if I had the time again I wouldn't let that stop me, but for a number of reasons it didn't happen and as I got older I realised I probably wasn't going to conceive - but I kept thinking there was a chance until my early 40's.
In the meantime my brother started early and had 4 and my sister started later and had 3. I am godmother to all of my sisters children and one of my brothers and have been involved with all of them. My sister lives nearby and I have been lucky, priviledged to be a part of her childrens lives and have thoroughtly enjoyed it. As they get older they will need me less and in different ways, I enjoy their company and their acheivements. Do I still miss not having my own children - you bet I do, but I am grateful that I have wonderful neices and nephews who want to visit me, I am grateful to be here to see them reach adulthood. The pain doesn't go away and sometimes its very lonely being on your own, but I have made some good friends since my diagnoses.
I don't always succeed, I sometimes ask why my sister had children and I didn't - but I try to remember all the great times we have had and will have, I love my nephew and neices and their child visiting and being the mad dotty aunt. I get the good times with them and none of the strife and none of the messy bedrooms lol. The hugs I get from them are the best in the world.
I know I won't ever have children, but it wasn't meant to be and I have to believe that I was needed as an auntie more - and I do beleive that. It does get easier.
I hope you feel better soon and as Dev that your feelings of despair and helplesness ease.
