https://theysaythiscanhelp.home.blog/2019/02/20/c-day-and-the-oblivious-build-up/
I am not sure, at present, what I hope to get out of using this site/process. I have heard that it’s theraputic, a release, a way of exploring your own feelings and thoughts. As well as a way of letting others understand how you are feeling, providing an insight perhaps or a way of connecting with others that may have experienced something similar.
Anyhow. Here goes.
15/02/2019 - The day we found out that my dad (my best friend) has Cancer.
It’s hard to describe the emotions that you feel when you get told that one of the people that you love and treasure the most in life, is very unwell.
Fear. Anger. Disbelief. Worry. Shock.
That last one, was certainly up there. Seeing as the old boy had simply travelled down to Gillingham from North Wales to see if he could speed up his hip replacement by transferring GP’s from ‘up there’ to ‘down here’.
The day he travelled down (13/02/19) he said that he had a real sharp and bad pain in his upper abdomen. Assuming it would just be a case of adapting his pain meds for his hip that had previously caused him issues, I simply said, something along the lines of “Yeah it could be that the meds need adapting or you’ve got really bad trapped wind” - if only!!
The following day, we had a chat in the morning before I left for work and said our good byes as he was supposed to be travelling back up to Wales for a nice meal out with my mum for Valentine’s Day. I asked him to keep me up to date with what the GP said. Which he did. He text me saying that the GP had sent him to A&E about the abdominal pain. He was waiting for a scan and they had already taken some bloods. They suspected he had an issue with his gall bladder.
He messaged again, early afternoon time, saying that he’d had an ultrasound and they suspected he would need his gall bladder removed. Bloods were showing an infection of some kind and that they would be keeping him in over night. He would have another scan in the morning to determine the extent of the issue with the gall bladder 
!!
I went up to the hospital to see him after work, he was in the waiting room off of A&E. He was waiting for a bed. Which had a waiting time of 8-10 hours 
. The time was 4.15. Kels turned up to see him at around 5ish. We chatted for a while before he told us to go and enjoy our Valentines evening. Reluctantly, we did. He messaged to say he had a bed at around 8.30pm. That was a relief.
My mum called to say that she would be driving down on the Friday to be with him and bring some of his stuff down. Seeing as he was going to need surgery of some kind.
15/02/19.
Started off as any other day. Wake up, get ready for work and trundle off in a haze that is slightly lighter than usual due to the facts it’s Friday!
Work set the tone upon reflection of a day that would be out of the ordinary - as it was a staff focus day - no students.
I stayed in contact with the old boy. He’d been for his scan in the morning. Mum arrived by 12.30. I left work at around 4pm and headed over to the hospital to see my dad and mum (I was looking forward to seeing my mum as I had not seen her in a while). With the simple expectation that I’d be told his gall bladder would need to be removed and he would be in for a couple of days!!
Walking into the Kingfisher ward and into room B1, he was nowhere to be found. Why?! He’d given me the wrong bloody room and bed number 
!! After asking where I could find a certain Alan Clasper. I walked into Room D where there were 3 beds .. none of them containing my old man and a bed with the curtains drawn.
Still totally oblivious and thinking he was just having some tests done or a conversation regarding the gall bladder procedure. I opened the curtains and stepped in to see my dad and mum with red blurry eyes. Still, thinking in an oblivious fashion. I again assumed it meant the procedure would be a little more complicated than expected. I was so far off the mark that in hindsight I feel like a bit of a fool.
I remember saying “What, Whats wrong?” To which I had a teary response of “Its not good”.
My sense of worry and concern at this point heightened but only slightly. As I was still thinking that it might not be good but it can’t be that bad surely - it’s a bloody gall bladder for Christ sake!!
I replied with “Not good? What do you mean not good?!” When I got the response back this time in a more teary and breaking voice of “its not good”. I went from a relatively calm state into more of a fearful and panic related state. In that situation you do fear the worst! The worst being Cancer!! But I still didn’t believe or think that, that would be the response or the issue at hand.
Then the reply “it’s cancer”.
The infection that showed up in his bloods the day before was not a normal infection and it was not coming from his gall bladder.
My response was to immediately hold my head in my hands and start to break down into tears. 20 seconds later. I thought right pull yourself together and I immediately said “right, what are we talking?”
Tumor on the Liver that is quite large with a couple of spots on the Liver and a couple of spots on the Pancreas was the reply.
He would be kept in, a meeting with the oncology team would take place on Monday and an MDT meeting with a professor from Kings Hospital in London (a specialist Liver Cancer hospital) would take place on Tuesday. They would need to do a biopsy a week or so after the Tuesday meeting to ascertain the type of cancer.
I gave my old man a hug and a kiss. I told him I would be back in a minute. “I need to call Kels”.
I asked her to come to the hospital, to which she replied, “why?” “It’s not good” I said. (Why do we do that?! It’s not good?! What even is that?! Some kind of automatic response in such a situation or was I mirroring the language used when I was told?! (Who knows!!) “what do you mean not good?” she replied. My answer this time was straight to the point: He has Cancer.
I went down to the front entrance to meet her and we walked round to the ward, as we walked i tried to fill her in as much as I could in regards to the information that we had been given. Which at this stage was still fairly sparse. Cancer and where it was. Not if it was/could be operated on or the stage it was in.
When we arrived together on the ward, hugs were had, as well as a few tears shed!!
The rest of the evening was spent in a state of shock and upset but at the same time a sense of “well, we don’t know what we are actually dealing with here yet!!” As Tuesdays meeting was key. That meeting and the biopsy.
We left the hospital at around 8pm. The first night leaving him after receiving what I will now term ‘the news’ was very very hard to do and very challenging. All I could think of was that he was alone in the hospital having received ‘the news’ and was having to cope alone!! That was fundamentally the toughest part of each of the coming days as well. Leaving him, to be alone. To cope alone!!
I tried to make that better for him, well as much as I could in my own way, by keeping in contact via WhatsApp throughout each evening!! In the hope that he wouldn’t feel alone and isolated!!
The days that followed the 15th were challenging in different ways. However, that’s for another time.
The one thing that hasn’t changed since the 15th is that he is still himself regardless of ‘the news’ - witty, funny, humorous, caring and thoughtful.
Let’s hope that continues.
