First of all I would like to say a massive thank you to everybody who commented and helped me in my last blog post. I have been talking to a few of you and I appreciate so very much.
I visited my mums grave about 3 weeks ago by myself, this has always been very hard for me to do, but after not visiting for a while I start to crave my mum so much and feel like seeing her grave is the place where I can forget about the world and have a connected chat with her. However every time I've visit her, my feelings start to slope down afterwards for a few weeks, but from all the previous times this has happened, it has never been as hard as it has been this time.
I've never really gone through a denial stage that my mum wasn't really gone, but it has only really just hit me that it is forever now. 16 years feels like such a short time to know someone who is meant to stay in your life forever, it feels like there is so much more I want to do with my mum, I wan to relive the memories I have, and ultimately I just want things to go back to normal.
I know that this will never be the case and there is nothing I can do now other than reminisce about the good times, but it seems like things will never be as good as they were with her in my life. I want my mum back, I've never missed her so much as I have now. I, and i'm sure many others who are in the same position as me, feel this is too young for anyone to lose their mum, and she was too young and loving to die.
This last week has seem to gotten better than it was at the start of this 3 week period, but I can feel myself going back into the sad moods, and I have no idea what to do.
Shit things happen to good people.
