Well after my week in Cornwall with the kids l thought l might as well go back to work while l am still ok to do so. So spoke to managers who agreed l could come back but on the condition l be referred to Occupational health ..... not really sure what they are gonna do or say but l said ok . So it was all arranged l returned to work today knowing that l will eventually have to go off sick again, when l arrived at 7am this morning l wasnt down on the work rota(l work at a hospital on a respiratory ward) but manager had forgooton to put me down as in. Someone else was off sick oh thats good it means l can stay because now we are not over our permitted numbers. I end up taking handover in one section but getting moved to another. I reminder the manager that l have no more off duty and she assures me it will be done before she leaves at 2pm. So about 1pm l decide to log into the off duty to see what l will be working next and what is there???? for every shift from now til the end of June there is no shifts just one word in each day CANCER.....................erm well thanks very much for that as if l needed the reminder.. l just sat there staring at the screen in disbelief and could feel the tears well up in my eyes and then l was angry.....angry at myself for crying then at the manager for being so insensitive. I walked off to go see her about it she says well when you hand in a sick note it gives us catories to click on yours was cancer, but then she said well no one else can see it ( oh that makes it ok then erm sorry no it doesnt) and she then says l didnt think that you would be able to see it because of course l dont know that l have cancer. From there my day just seems to go downhill letters in my drawer for study days l cant attend which they knew, letters about pay and when my money would change to half pay, the fact that on the off duty l am still on as sick despite my note running out on the 11th may and me being fit to take my leave with the kids grrrrrrrrrr. its all such a mess and this day just hasnt helped at all.
My journey home doesnt get any better as l still have no car after it was pinched the day beofre l found out l had cancer so its buses, loads of other buses but not mine so after being there 45 mins decide to get a bus that goes sort of near and then end up walking the last part home. By the time l get back into the house l have been out for 14and a half hours, everything hurts and aches and l start to think maybe l shouldnt have gone back to work at the moment. I get in the house and notice the answer machine is flashing....................its a message from the hospital asking me to contact my gyna/onc secretary. Staright away l think of the appointment l should have on monday to discuss a treatment plan.........................l just feel they are ringing to cancel and if they do because he only has a clinic on a Monday it will mean another two week wait. So sad and so fed up, so worried l cant stand another two week wait...................please please this is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!! now the tears wont stop falling
