we are but snowflakes droping slowly on the hand of destiny, from there on we are on our own, many of us manage to swim nicely and smoothly along and sometimes against the stream. poor being if for a second belive to have the power to change or be heard... and then the cancer comes and things change.its like Death comes to visit an decides to stay for a while, and you have to get used to her and be polite, share the shower and bed and everything inside of your mind. you become one with Death. nothing new or different, we are all borne to die after all. but living with her in the same house is a bit changing and wanderfull. its snowing again... i wander whitch snow flake is my brother, died at the age of 3, guilty to be born. i wander whitch snowflake is me, waiting to melt falling in the hand of a child building a snowman, laughing and running ready to beacome a snowflake himself.
and i might cry in sadness of the lost life but i know it is not lost al all, its all but new begining and improvement , a moment of returning and reberth, a cicle of nature, the human nature.
and I am still here, 4 years after my first death, the cancer one, because I want to see , I am a nosy basterd and no death with no good intention is gona take this away. I done more than others and still is not enough, so many others did so much and they got old and died in peace , at least the peace we know about. we know abut nothing. there is not such a thing as the concept of nothing but we use it so often and futile.
I was watching my baby girl today, she is 2 now, I felt a detachment like a surreal nonspace presence, a dream I always wanted and now is here , I am in it and its real and feel like I am dreaming. I am not worthy for such grace and beauty. me, who spat on life so many times on so many occasions. just out of spite and entourage in the beginning and after just became way of dealing with life. life, the most precious and important thing in the existence. and I treated it with so much spite and dare, my life, I truly apologise and say, bowing my head in humiliation. my life, my only thing that keeps me going. well, my life... lets bat our wings again once more for another flight over the world and let them wonder. this snowflake butterfly has many flights to do.
