Evening all.
Well its been a busy and unexpected weekend here...
For those who know i was at the doctors on Friday and managed to get a fit for work note. So as of tomorrow I am offically working again. She has signed me for a 2 week phased return, and i have agreed with my boss that 4 hours a day for the first week is fine, and then we will sort the second week. I was so excited to be going back and getting into some sort of normal routine, if for no other reason than to take my mind of everything and hopefully stop me worrying silly about every ache and pain that I have. However tonight has come, and i think its hit me, shit im going back tomorrow! I am so nervous, its like starting school for the first time all over again.
I know ill get loads of support from everyone at work, but just dreading it as its the first time ive seen them since January when I went off sick just to have an ovarian cyst removed.
I know ill be fine, and once the first week is out of the way i am sure it will be like ive never gone away......
While at the doctors i had her check my mouth as i have an enlarged tonsil and feel like i have a hair of something at the back of my throat, plus a gob that feels just awful.
She checked me out and sent me away with some penicillin, if for no other reason that to make sure im in tip top condition for chemo.
That has put my worrying the worst about that at bay thankfully, My mouth is starting to feel somewhat ok, now for the tonsil to go back down to size and ill be thankful.
I am a person who WAS never ill, and even when i was it was just a cold once a year, knocked me for maybe 2 days and then i was fine again.
Since having my op, it just seems like life is throwing all sorts of things at me, and laughably normally i would of just shrugged them off, but i guess getting a diagnosis of cancer makes us overly paranoid.
So its been an overly emotional few months, and i have a long road to go yet, but I am hoping it will keep on getting easier.
Reading my posts from the beginning they were so dark and to think it was not so long ago, and I am now accepting what has happened to me.
I still have the uncertainty that I have cancer else where, and my oncologist does nothing to take my fears away. Hopefully this endoscopy on Wednesday will show what the pain us under my rib. I am hoping worst case scenario its gall stones, they wip them out and thats another worry to bay.So i would like everyone to cross everything for Wednesday morning for me that there is nothing sinister lurking in my body that didnt show up on the pet /ct scan.
Once chemo starts, which will hopefully just be for ovarian, as no other cancer can be found. Then once finished which will be 18 weeks, as its one treatment every 3 weeks life can return to some sort of normallity.
Now 18 weeks seems so long, but yet not long enough. I think i would happily be zapped with something for life if it means that i never have to got through this again, or to have not ever had to go through this. It has certanly opened my eyes, and never again will I think 'that doctors appointment can wait until next week'.
This is an evil disease, that destroys too many lives, there is a lot known about the disease but yet just not enough, and i wonder if there will ever be enough knowledge about it.
I wonder if life can ever get back to normal, will i ever sleep though a full night again and not wake wondering. Will the first thought on my mind ever be life again, or will the word cancer be constantly imprinted on my mind.
I hope and even though not religious have probably done more praying that the religious lately that there is no further cancer in my body, that the chemo gets any floating bits and i never have to revisit the place i was in at the beginning of this journey.
On with happier things though, we recently bought a touring caravan, we love camping and having young kids they love it and its a cheap holiday! As the sun has ran away this year we thought we would never get away, so a touring van was the way forward. We purchased it last week and decided on thursday afternoon we would book the weekend away but not tell the kids. So we got everything ready, and after I had been to the docs we set off, telling the kids that dad was just practising to see if he could pull the van, or if he was no good at the towing. Well we were successful and once the kids finally realised they were in their element, very happy...although we did get a telling off for telling lies to them about us not going lol!!
So a fab weekend was had, we love the caravan, and can't wait to go away again and the sun came out to play which was a total bonus.
Lets hope for lots more weekends away soon and the sun is here to stay.
x
