Hope turns to reality

I went to bed last nit pretty distraught as you can probably tell from my last post. I can't even describe my thoughts and feeling I just know there was water pouring from my nose and eyes until no more could pour. I woke this morning as my better asks if I am still going swimming, my reply was a grunt of no idea as I felt pretty lousy aft an evening of crying. However I picked my but up out of bed got my swim kit and off I went. I only had an hour before I had to get home due to family visiting so I thought what the he'll even if I sit at the side for an hour I'm going. I love swimming, I love the atmosphere I find it very therapeutic. I only swam about 40 lengths but it helped loads, my back no longer hurts and my mind was clear. I came home and spoke to family about it all, even spoke of the bleak outlook that I have convinced myself is my future without tears. niece visits later in day and honestly I could see the hurt in her face, it was like something went snap inside of me, cricky think of the positive if not for me but them, they do not need to hear this, they need me back strong as an ox and and to be the grown up (even though they are all grown up themselves) . So kore positive outlook come back, that glimmer of hope is there again. Step mum calls and again tells me she is being positive, she is thinking of the good outcome not the bad. Partner is telling me, there is that rarity that possibility and he is with that possibility. That is going to be us, my reply, I'm thinking the worst can only come out as expected or can come out happy as it's not all bad. Kids home, tea cooked, chill out time.......phone rings, it's for me. Who is it, it's the hospital"..........oh fook!! This can't be good what do they want? It's my oncologists colleague and he has received my message of begging from yesterday that I want my results ASAP as I'm slowing driving myself to insanity. Very kindly and If I could see this man right now I would kiss him! He has looked at my scan results for me. He tells me that the scan results show no active cancer in my body. YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE Well I think I nearly peed and pood my pants in the space of 2 seconds but yes yes yes yes yes......no active cancer so that can only be good news. So my question comes. My oncologist tells me that the cancer I have comes from my gut and not normally found in the gut, it it a. Possibility that it could just be my ovary, will I now be classed as having ovarian cancer or am I still classed as having unknown primary as nothing has shown up, The oncologist states that it's a good question and probably thought oh fleck don't want to answer that but he did very diplomatically. He said I have not scanned your results with a fine tooth comb as your own oncologist will do this with you, but as no other cancer is showing, I would be inclined to say that it is ovarian cancer only and I would treat you as this, therefore I predict that you will only need chemo as this was graded as a 1c. However your own oncologist will go through this with you and confirm your treatment plan. He hope that his call has answered questions for me, well honestly it has I could of kissed the man. Ni thanked him so much for taking e time to do this and to personally call me and not fob me off. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. Partner and I spent next half hour hugging and crying as although it's still cancer, this is probably the best result we could of asked for. Rang all the family, left my dad crying at work but with some relief, all family and friends are now somewhat relieved and I guess it's been a wake up call for us all to be more aware of each other, and it make more of an effort with each other, I know I still have a long road to walk and have no idea what to expect now, but I have had some Of my darkest days lately, I have thought the worst possible outcome was my destiny and to know that there is now hope is like being given that golden ticked to enter the chocolate factory as a child. I want to thank everyone who has supported me on here, given me advice, taken the time to offer their kind words at my darkest time, and I honestly can't thank you enough for that support. So my journey continues down this dark tunnel but for the first time in weeks I do see the light at the end! It certainly has been a wake up call for me, and I intend to make sure I now seize the day! Carpe diem! X