I wanted to speak to a doctor while I was at the Hospice today had some questions playing on my mind and needed a few answers. Are we prolonging the inevitable?, Did Mo run a higher risk of having a cardiac arrest?, Was there any limitations on morphine dosage? amongst a few other questions. Normally speaking to a doctor wasn't a problem because there were always at least two doctors floating around somewhere in the Hospice and access to them was easy,you could talk to a doctor anytime. Once you had found a doctor they would always take time out from whatever they were doing and speak to you and help answer any queries,questions that you may have. Unfortunately today they were very busy with all the other patients but I was able to speak with the Nurse Practitioner about my concerns. She said they,the nursing staff, weren't shortening or extending Mo's life in any way medically or otherwise and I wasn't either. If anything it is Mo herself who is fighting saying shes not ready to go yet and digging her heels in, kicking and screaming, holding out with all the strength she has the nurse believed, nothing to do with anyone else. Even the doctor said she has a strong heart,comfortable and relaxed and any pain is being managed well and still eating and drinking,always a positive sign. The nurse also said that Mo was on an comfortable dose of the morphine,20-25mg and that she has in the past administered much larger doses of morphine so there was scope to increase the dosage as and when required. She also said that her and I ran just as much risk of a having a heart attack as Mo did and if anything Mo was at a slightly lower risk because her heart isn't under any strain. I felt a bit more reassured after I had spoken to the nurse and slightly relieved,weird I know,but we all aren't under any illusions,we all know,nurses,doctors,friends and especially family that Mo is reaching the end of her life,sad and heartbreaking as it is. For as long as Mo has the strength in her to fight we can all continue to visit her,continue talking to her and continue to be there for her,she has earnt that right to fight and NONE of us are going to deny her that.
