Kerren the respite carer came in today on time and polite and even said "Good morning" to me.I explained about Mo's cancer being a lot worse and now it was just a 'matter of time',days and weeks unfortunately she was also very surprised at the progression of the cancer.I was going to cancel my respite but my neighbour Brian, talked me out of it he said I needed to get out and even while I was out that I could come back anytime I liked and send the carer home if I wanted.If I HAD cancelled my respite I wouldn't of had that choice about coming back, depending on how I felt at the time which made sense.I got very upset on Thursday morning especially about making the decision about the JIC box because I thought I had pre-empted Mo's demise and felt that I was letting her down and giving up on her,which wasn't the case, but I just couldn't get my head around it.
I went to see my mum and Bill to tell them what was happening and braced myself for a deluge of tears when I tell them,from both me and my mum.It just like I have come full circle telling friends and family the 'bad news' the only difference is now I am telling them Mo's ACTUALLY dying!.I doubt very much if I will be out for ALL of my three hours respite care,I just can't be away from Mo too long.My mum did come back to the bungalow with me to see Mo who gave her the biggest hug ever when she saw her and just having my mum there made the day a little easier.Thanks Mum Love You xxx.
