I'm feeling a bit down today not really any reason Mo's doing fine, she's talking and interacting with the nurses, my mum and me on and off for most of the day. I think I'm just finding it difficult having to remind myself even though Mo's been great for nearly a week that she's still going to die. Mo just seems so far away from that point at the moment with the way she has been it justs makes things very hard for us all to realise or accept. Its very difficult to continually be upbeat and positive around Mo with that thought constantly at the back of your mind. Mo loves christmas and all the build up, the christmas fayres, the carol singing, the christmas concerts etc and there is going to be a fair amount of that at the hospice. I just don't want her to miss out on it all, maybe for the last time and also Mo's best friend, Carol is doing a gig here at the Day Centre at the end of November. I really would so much love Mo to see her gig as she loves hearing Carol sing and be here just for one more Christmas but there is no guarantee of that and it just makes it so much harder. At least for now Mo is talking a little and still here, tomorrow the nurses are hoping to get her out of bed and into a more portable 'special chair'. If Mo doesn't find it too uncomfortable I may be able to take her into the cafe area at the Hospice with Carol whose visiting tomorrow and have a cup of tea. I think Mo will enjoy the change of scenery from her rooms four walls, she may even do a little 'people watching' something Mo also enjoys. I guess we will have to wait and see if it happens, depends if Mo wants to and is able to and is up for it. I use to know what to expect when visiting Mo in the past, now I don't really know what to expect day in and day out, which isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately both the tumour and how Mo will be is a lot more unpredictable than it was and you still have that 'niggling doubt' at the back of your mind.....How long will it last??!!.
