As I sit here just after a 4pm with a cold glass of wine....I wonder what the hell I'm doing! Drinking at this time of day isn't something I often do but I really feel like I need the edge taken off my emotions at the moment....somewhere to escape to, just for a little while!
I've just come home after being with a very special friend for the past couple of days and I feel emotionally exhausted. She has breast cancer and has just had her first 'dose' of FEC and has been very poorly. She is such a strong woman and seeing her so vulnerable is very frightening.......although I know that she WILL beat this!
My partner of 16 years is also battling Multiple Myeloma and although he is relatively well at the moment...life is changing day by day with the relentless hospital visits and tests.
I am currently in remission for Fibrosarcoma, Cancer of the soft tissue, which governed nearly four years of my life. As well as chemo and radio, I had 3 operations to remove tumours, along with 6 of my ribs and further reconstruction of the chest wall. In 2010..I let out a huge sigh of relief as I had beat it and was on the road to recovery. I thought life would start getting back to 'normality'. Then Melvin(my partner) was diagnosed in the December! How much can a family endure?!
Now...I have a lump in my left breast, the same side of my previous cancer and I have an appointment to see the oncologist on Tuesday for investigations. I'm so scared but don't feel that I can express all of my fears to my nearest and dearest due to them going through a journey of their own. I keep telling myself that surely this can't be cancer again! Not two parents in one family...at the same bloody time?! I am always everyone's rock and support...and when asked how I am..just smile and say I'm fine, when I'm not. Hopefully, I will be lucky and my lump will be nothing. But..what if it isn't?? Who will look after me?? How will I be able to look after my partner who is going to be harvesting his stem cells very soon? Who will cook my friend soup and support her family? But...most of all who will look after our three children if we both have to go through this?! I am 36 years old and I don't know if I can handle any more of this! I feel angry, sad, confused and totally out of control!!! ( As I take another sip of wine!)
Oh Kerry my heart goes out to you. Cancer is shit isn't it .
You must be physically and emotionly tired being everyone's rock.
You need some time for you so to hell have a glass of wine if it helps.
I know it must be scary finding a lump but try to stay strong and not let your head run away with you.
You are so young to have had all crap and no one can be all things to all people.
Best wishes for Tuesday
((((((hugs)))))))
Love Dianne x
FormerMember
Kerry you poor darling HUGS lets hope that the lump is just stress, you're certainly under a great deal of that at the moment, going through your own battle and now looking after those you love. Hormones are crazy in our body and stress can do some strange things, try not to worry just yet :)
Cancer is evil and for you both to be touched by it, and your friend, is just unbelievable. We think that if it touches one of us, the others wll be safe, there certainly isn't no guarantees about anything to do with cancer.
Thinking of you and hoping that things will go smoothly for you all xxx
