Friday 17 Sept 2010 was a pivotal moment in my grieving process for my beloved Val, as I had to collect her ashes from the undertakes. It brought home just how final her death was and the fact I would never ever see her smiling face again.
Since the beginning of recorded time, Hindu and Buddhist faiths have mandated the use of cremation. The underlying belief of these faiths is that the life force that is basic to our human existence is not confined to this one life, but undergoes much transmigration throughout many lives. The Eastern belief of karma, which is the idea that merit is accrued during the extent of one’s life and the actions one takes during that life will carry on to the next, is a common belief of the Hindu and Buddhist religions. These religions also carry the belief that the body is but a vehicle that contains the “self” or soul while it exists in this life. Once the soul leaves the body it is returned to the gods. Cremation serves as a method of freeing the soul, separating flesh from bones, and presenting the body as a last sacrifice to the gods. In essence cremation becomes a fitting vehicle for expressing the temporary existence of bodily life, and the eternal reality of spiritual life.
Eric Lindemann, a noted grief psychologist, said: "Death is a psychological amputation." Regardless of the chosen procedure in dealing with the remains of a loved one, the survivors experience the process of grief. Feelings of shock, denial, anger, and depression surface in life as the healing process takes place. There is no short cut. Just as you cleanse a wound to make it ready for healing , so also what you do after death concerning the funeral and commitment of the body will determine your ability to cope and adjust to this reality. Death may be just around the corner. Although we don’t like to think about it, each of us has a terminal condition. The meter runs. Some have weeks, others decades. But every one of us has only so much time to live.
I believe each of us has a dream that burns brighter than all the rest. Sometimes we know this as a “passion.” Those who have the courage to follow their heart live significantly healthier, richer lives
Imagine that six months from now, your outward life – the work you do, the place you live, the way you spend your time – can be exactly the way you want it. Describe what your ideal, outward life is like.
Think about your ideal inner life. Six months from now, what attitudes, gifts and abilities would you like to have acquired, developed or strengthened?
Consider your responses to these two items. What efforts have you made recently to realize these things? What elements of your personality make such changes difficult? How might you overcome these internal obstacles?
Properly understood, death of a loved one becomes an exquisite teacher, throwing life into sharp perspective and encouraging us to achieve our fullest potential. Death reminds us our time is limited, that it’s important not to put off those things we value most, those things we want to tell someone close to us and that each moment is a fresh and precious opportunity. Unfortunately preaching is one thing but the reality of the practice is very different.
