Been to visit the mother in law today with the children. Was worrying and upsetting.
The problem is with her pain meds. she is supposed to get a dose at 1pm at 3pm it still hadn't been given. I said 'I'll go ask about it shall I?' ' No, no' she relies 'don't talk to any of the staff.'
I'm her primary carer and she refuses to let me talk to the medical staff at all. They wont talk to us without her permission and she wont let us talk to them at all. She has no quarms about complaining about them and how they treat her but refuses to voice her problems.
We had the same problem here. One day I overheard her bad mouthing me to the Macmillan nurse then she announced she wanted to go into residential care. When I insisted that she tell me why it turned out that she had wanted more help and support and for me to do more for her. that was not a problem as far as I was concerned. I had only been waiting for her to tell me what she wanted. Knowing her to be fiercly independant and with her having told me not to mollycoddle her I was waiting for her to say when she needed help. I was not expecting her to fly into the frightful rage about being unwanted and unloved because that is far from being the case. We managed to resolve the issue but only because I demanded that she talk openly with me.
I don't know how to proceed from here. I need to know certain things about her condition and treatment to stand a chance at keeping her happy and comfortable when she does come home and to know what problems to look out for. It's making my husband angry because he feels that she isn't letting him be of help to her and then gets cross with him for not helping enough. We really have our hands tied and I hate the way this is making hubby feel. It's leaving him feeling angry with his mum for not allowing him to know whats happening except the complaints which she wont allow him to address. Angry with the staff over their failure to get his mums pain meds to her on time and so so sad that she wont allow him to help.
I'm torn between anger and sympathy for the staff. Anger because they clearly aren't ensuring her pain is well managed and sympathy because she just isn't telling them everything they need to know and is probably really horrible to them as well.
I may sound unsympathetic towards my mother in law at the moment and I do know she is in an awful and very confusing situation. I can just see the pain she is causing hubby and the unnecessary pain she is going through because she insists on so much secrecy. She likes to think of herself as savvy and streetwise but I fear it is actually paranoia and fear. She seems to honestly believe that no one cares and that everyone wants her to just give up and die. That really isn't the case all we want is for her to be as happy and comfortable as she can be and to get as much quality time with hubby and the children as possible. We don't want her suffering and feeling resentful when there is no need. She should know all this, we've told her frequently but it seems to go in one ear and out the other.
This visit to the hospital far from reassuring me about her has left me with more fears and concerns over how things will be when she comes home again.
