So here I am sitting at the computer having not slept very well... this is a pattern, no real reason for not sleeping, just fall asleep ok, then wake lots of times during the night!
I wake up wide awake, not the sleepy sort of waking up! I don't feel tired and I don't feel able to just roll over and go back to sleep.
I do fall asleep early say about 10pm... usually because I have had a busy full day - bit I am famous for falling asleep early!
I read somewhere that to still your mind and focus on your breathing for ten breahts is a good relaxation and meditation technique, ok I can count to 10 ok, I can breathe ten times ok, anyone tell me how to still my mind? I manage 3 breahts then I am off making lists of things I need to do and place I need to be... and if you are emptying your mind... for some people this must be easier, I suppose it depends on how much you have going on in there! I end up making a concious thought about my counting, so not really truly empty... just another list...
Do you see where this is going.... I have discovered that I cannot switch off my thoughts and they keep waking me up demanding attention... so like with many things we don't understand... we either worry about it or do something about it... I have chosen to embrace list making and being / doing whatever needs doing... and trust in my own body to send me to sleep where and when it is safe [maybe not polite or the 'done thing'] but it does know best...
So the message for my lovely dad is you know the food you are eating tastes wrong right now and you know you need to eat to be well enough for your radiotherapy... so dad much as I love you ... you need to decide what you are going to do! Glad you are seeing the nurse tomorrow, she will be able to say similar things to you... just imagine it is the peas you made my sister eat when she was little... you used to say' they dont taste of anything and they are good for you....' now take your own advice...
My lovely Matt has been out to play footy with his mates, despite his face looking quite a sight whilst he is healing... glad he has made his choice to live his life, how he wants, with people who care and support him around him, glad he is able to withstand any looks that might come his way and that he is happy in himself... I am also so very very proud of his mates who at 16 /17 are providing this amazing safety net for Matt, the place where they can allow him to be Matt not Matt with cancer... lads you are all worth your weight in gold to our family right now... and as for the lovely girls who send Matt best wishes and hugs online... thank you too! Like you all, I think he is rather special!
Off to make a cuppa now, have a happy Sunday and keep your eyes open for the snowdrops and cocus - they are all out now... if know someone in hospital who can't see them, take a photo in and show them... such a perfect way to celebrate new life, spring and all the greenery to come...
Jules xx
