The first thing I thought, sitting 32 weeks pregnant in the hospital, when I saw the ultrasound of my newly discovered breast cancer tumour with its central mass and invading tendrils was “That looks like an octopus”.
Thinking how I was only at the breast clinic for a ‘belt and braces’ check of something that was almost certainly just a pregnancy related lump, it expanded to “An insidious octopus”.
And having been raised to find a way to laugh at anything that makes me afraid I immediately knew it needed a name I could not fear, and thus in that moment my breast cancer tumour became “The Insidious Octopus Gunther”.
Being the people who raised me, my family took this idea and ran with it!
They made me a picture of me fighting an evil octopus with some amazing high kicking moves (they kindly used a picture from my twenties where I was much thinner and fitter which was very much appreciated).
Then I received a handmade, crochet octopus in aquamarine, cream and plum with the following note:
Hi. My name is Gunter the Insidious Octopus and I’m an asshole. I like to ruin your day by existing. I’m not a good octopus, I deserve to be hit, thrown down the stairs and fed to the dog when I upset you. And when I am eventually vanquished, please burn me in a celebration ceremony. Keep fighting, you’re doing great! xx
With this, The Insidious Octopus Gunther took physical form.
So I resolved to reflect every action taken against my breast cancer onto this crochet toy. For each round of chemotherapy a pin stuck into it, snipping off some tentacles when I have surgery and burning others after radiotherapy.
Finally, when all treatment is done and we are waiting with fingers crossed that the fight is done then I will have a party with everyone I love, and what is left of crochet The Insidious Octopus Gunther will go into the fire and we will all cheer that it is vanquished!
Cancer is terrifying and mentally/physically hard, treatment is terrifying and mentally physically hard, but I am finding it extremely satisfying and cathartic after a round of chemo to look The Insidious Octopus Gunther in the eye and slide a pin into his head.
Fxxx You Gunther!
(insert a four letter f word of choice based on your appetite for foul language)
