It’s been a while since I last posted. Mainly because there’s only so much you can say about driving or being driven into hospital to be zapped. The journey became so monotonous that I could almost tell where we were on the journey with my eyes closed, mainly by knowing the feel of the potholes.
The other reason was that I just didn’t have the energy or inclination to put any of my thoughts down on paper. The last few weeks of radiotherapy became a real ordeal. The pain was excruciating just to swallow water, so food was a real trial. That said I did manage to eat at most mealtimes and the addition of food supplements and pain killers to the diet helped me to stay fuelled and not lose too much weight.
The last week was brutal. I remember not really wanting to eat, or if I did, I needed to eat alone so I didn’t have to see my family wincing with me as I ate. There were tears at times, but with the support from friends and family I managed to get through it.
My final dose of radiation was on 8th March. It was an odd feeling of jubilation and achievement but also, oddly, a bit of loss. Maybe a bit of medical Stockholm syndrome. During the treatment I knew where I was, what was happening and why I was going through it, but when it was all over the only thing that remained were the checks and assessments by the specialists to confirm I’m cancer free, nothing was going on to carry on blasting any of those nasties away. There was also the daunting prospect of feeling the same or worse than at the end of treatment during the two weeks after treatment. But in hind sight now it’s done, I’m happy to not have to have the treatment again. I even have the mast as a physical memento of the six weeks of torture…… sorry, treatment!!! Now its over it’s back to the waiting game.
The last week and a bit have been varied. Some days I’ve been up and at 'em and feeling almost normal whereas other days I’ve been wiped out. I’m still harbouring a monumental sore throat, so pain killers are still being popped on a regular basis along with a variety of mouth washes. In the morning my mouth is really dry but luckily a few swills of water resolve the flipflopitis! The area of my neck where the radiotherapy was targeted has become like a cross between a snakeskin and a bit of crackling. Add a sprinkle of salt and I could bag up the flakes and sell them as a wholesome snack to nibble with a pint or two.
All told I’m doing very well and am extremely pleased with progress, as are my consultants. My appetite is slowly coming back and the pain when swallowing is subsiding. I’m yet to get my taste back, but as that was one of the first things to go, I’m guessing it will be the last to re-appear. Fingers crossed it does.
The battle is now over, and the dust is now settling. It will be a short while until we can declare victory, but we can say that we fought hard and threw everything at the enemy. The collateral damage is being assessed, but the signs are good that it has been kept to a minimum. The war zone is being re-built and the noises of day-to-day life are no longer a pipe dream. Soon we’ll hear to joyous tune children playing in the streets, the pop of bottles being uncorked and the chink of toasts being made as victory is declared.
It would be foolhardy to declare victory just yet, but I’m ever hopeful that the jigsaw pieces that bring a healthy and normal life together are falling into to place.
