A freckle they said, in my eye! How on earth do you get freckles in your eye?
I’d had these weird flashes in my left eye. Nothing too bad just fleeting, the kind that makes you think something is moving just out of sight. These probably started a few weeks back but then my eye started to, what I can only describe as dim a little, dark shadows in the bottom of my vision. I would have just passed it off but friends pushed me to have it checked out. Fortunately I had an appointment with the diabetic eye screening service in a couple of week so I decided to wait till then.
At the screening they went through the usual tests and checks without any issues and told me that my consultant was off sick (Covid) and would contact me if there were any issues. It was at this point I mentioned what had been happening to my left eye. They didn’t show any concern but said another consultant would take a look. More pictures of my eyes were taken and then the started to take a closer look at my right eye, the wrong one in my opinion. More pictures and an ultrasound followed and then they told me, “you have a freckle in you right eye.” On I said very unconcerned but what about the right on with the flickering? Probably just migraines they concluded. It should settle down but it’s your right eye we are worried about. We need to send you to see an eye oncologist. That word. It is probably nothing but we need to have it checked out and then proceeded to ask me if I’d understood what I was being told. “Yes I’ve got a freckle in my eye that needs checking but it should be ok. “No,” they said, “You have a freckle in your eye that we are concerned about. Still no big deal I thought, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen and the right eye should just settle down.
the next day the sick consultant phoned me and through a lot of coughing explained again what they’d found but told me that Professor Heimann was the best in his field and wished me luck.
The appointment for St Paul’s eye hospital came through quite quickly and I attended the clinic, alone because of Covid restrictions. More pictures and scans before seeing a consultant who again focused on my right eye. I just mentioned the left eye to him in passing and he said he’d take a look. In a very hard to see place in my right eye he spotted a mass. I remember him talking to his colleague and getting him to take a look and they both chatted as if I wasn’t the about the tumours in both my eyes (something I would find out was extremely rare). Then it was back to the waiting room to wait to see the Professor.
I instinctively knew something wasn’t right now and them asking if I’d brought someone with me to go and see the Professor semi confirmed this. He checked my eyes again while the nurse watch on quietly and then in a quite matter of fact way hit me with it. The tumour in your right eye has some markers of cancer but not all some we need to monitor that but it’s your right eye that we need to treat. You have a melanoma in your right eye that we need to treat. I can save your eye. We put a radio active disc in your eye for a few days and then take it out. This targets the tumour and we need to get you in soon. Ok any questions, I had none, it had only been a freckle up to this point and I hadn’t really been prepared for such news.
I was then take to a side room to talk through the practicalities with a nurse specialist. It was here while she’d left the room that it hit me, I have Cancer. I tear dropped onto the table that I quickly wiped away. I remember texting my wife because I couldn’t talk without fear of breaking down and wondering how I’d tell the kids and my mum.
they wanted to operate on Christmas Eve but my Daughter was getting married on Boxing Day so I couldn’t do that. My other daughters wedding had already been cancelled twice because of Covid so the operation was scheduled for early in the New Year.
I just had to go home, let people know, enjoy Christmas, New Year and the Wedding and try not to let Cancer dominate my thoughts. Ye right.
