You know that really freaky picture they used to show on the beeb - the one with the little girl with the Mona Lisa-esque creepy-slightly-too-knowing smile and the scary sinister clown doll (to me clowns are frightening enough - I never recovered after reading Stephen King's "It" when I was in my early teens, it's that gaping red rimmed toothy grin that always sends me hiding behind the cushions, and as for Dolls- I have seen Chucky and that says all I have to say about that!) anyway, you know the thing, where both of these pretty nightmarish characters sit in the midst of some kind of funky eye chart graphic playing a game of noughts and crosses on a blackboard? That is what I always think of when I consider an Intermission - that test card with the bad 70s porn film theme music. (Childhood really messes with you doesn't it?) ;-)
What I am trying to say is that I have been having something of my own Intermission right here in Chateau A&T for the last couple of days. It started off purely with the emotions of misery and exhaustion, and then escalated up through the ranks til I really couldn't be arsed to do anything and everything had to run on automatic pilot - that's how I felt, like a robot. One of the best pieces of advice I ever had about being "a bit mis" as bloke likes to say, is to gather your misery or frustration and wrap it round yourself like a blanket, luxuriate in it and really feel every bit of it, be self indulgent with it and let it exude through every fibre of your being ...... and then pretty soon it will just go away. And mine has gone - like a slow moving weather front, over the last two days the skies have seemed to get a little sunnier with every passing hour and this morning I woke up and felt like me again. Yay!
It's been a pretty good day today. Work was okay, situations have been discussed and a workable compromise on timetabling agreed. I have also realised that I do not need to do absolutely everything every single minute of the day (wow - a revelation, what can I say!) ;-P All of this, and the improvement in my beloved A has all left me feeling much more positive and forward focused. In other news today saw the delivery of our first box of organic vegetables from a farm in Hampshire and it was fantastic, it was about as close to the glory feeling you get when you have an allotment without any of the hard labour or digging! This massive box of seasonal goodies arrives complete with bits of crusty mud and carrots with leaves and other sights not seen since I had food dug from my grandparents garden - I cooked salmon with new potatoes, baby carrots and runner beans for dinner - delicious!
A and I popped out this evening for a slow walk up to the top of the road and back down again, not far but far enough at the moment - and he found it much easier today than yesterday. He had his staples removed yesterday and neither of us miss the Frankenstein style fastenings down his front and it all stayed put when they were removed so we are both happy. Life with his bag becomes increasingly normal - it's really no big deal (unless you get an air lock in the pipe to the night bag - beware, this would mean a wet bed by morning - luckily A is wise to this now), but you do have to find the bag style and design that is most appropriate to you - there are plenty out there to try for size. All in all I can't believe it is only a week tomorrow that we left the hospital - still so amazing.
Thanks to all you bloggers out there, especially Jules, Debs, Leigh, Drew, K & Ruth (to name but a few). Even when I didn't feel like writing your blogs kept me smiling, laughing and crying. ;-) It's hard to imagine how anyone can get through this without this wonderful site - the ultimate support group. So here's to Team What Now. Hip, hip …
T xxx
