I will try and keep this short... oh why do bother even saying that eh? I have Rolos going spare and coffee and a bottle of vodka in the cupboard that I still don't know how it got there so help yourselves. Oh and I'll send Bernard St Bernard off to look for stragglers with his emergency brandy.
So, I got up and polished shiny bum ready for GC nd Rolos up there and clean pants etc etc and off I went down the motorway to the hospital (for the unititiated, I had my check up with the consultant today nickname GC cos he is a gorgeous consultant).
Its busy and bum day so everyone looks their usual hale and hearty selves and its hard to tell who is patient and who is partner/son/daughter though as usual I am the only one there under the age of 60.
So got weighed and then got blood forms. Helen is a whizz and could get blood from a vampire. There is another lady who is ok and Rob who can never ever find my veins. (ouch) I hear the other lady say Helen isn't in today (boo) but she calls me and another lady in (phew not Rob thinks LM) So I sit down and she goes over to do the other woman she called in. Hmmmm. Another nurse comes in and says is noone doing you? and the other nurse shouts 'Rob said he'd be back in a sec so she's waiting for him' Oh shall I shout him says the nurse or are you ok with me doing it? PHEW again. Oh no, you do it says LM.
Prod, prod squeeze hands, prod prod wiggle wiggle intersperced by ouches and try this arm cos the other one is still bruised from last week and blood appears! Hoorah!
Get my coffee and sit down to wait. GC is running an hour late says the tannoy. No surprises there. He is always running at least an hour late- I think cos we all swooon over him and they have to shovel fainted ladies off the floor. the lady next to me says that he's got a new registrar and she had her last time. Usual comments about young slips of things not old enough etc. etc. Oh no, I have to at least see GC's shiny face... and I've got my Rolos ready.... don't mind FC his side kick cos he is funny.
Eventually, the tannoy booms LM to room 6 please. So go and sit in there and wait and wait. After about 10 minutes of realising that I am actually quite nervous despite my bravado, GC opens the door and gives me a huge grin and says Oh hello, how are you? Its not you I'm meant to be seeing.. but I will pop in and see you he says and off he goes to another room... Damn thinks LM, that's the registrar checking... Wait and wait another 10 minutes and realise that I am pretty nervous (but I guess that is normal when you are sat waiting for a doctor to tell you whether you cancer has come back or not) . Nurse comes in and says sorry for the wait. GC will be here soon. I said he'd poked his head round the door and said he wasn't meant to be seeing me. She said Oh no, he is seeing you, just got to see someone else first. Horah! I have got GC. So I sit there for almost half and hour getting more and more nervous... and then GC's smily shiny face bustles through the door again. He seems to run everywhere. I don't know why he is always so late cos its like he's on speed.
He sits down and says Are you nervous about the operation or looking forward to it? Well, I am nervous about being incontinent again says LM and the unknown but worth a try I guess... And is the surgeon stretching your bum in stages before the op or during it? Eeek stop talking about stretching and ballooning . During I think.
You will have to spend a while sorting out your bowels with either laxatives or whatever the ones that bung you up are called (I forgot). It will take a while to get it right he says and we will set you back in your stamina and energy a bit.
As you are having the op next week, I don't need to examine you today he says.Save you some pain. ( Its pretty painful my examination or otherwise called hunt the rolo game) so I'll get the surgeon to have a really good look and rummage before the op while you are asleep! So, just need to feel your groin today.
Always makes me snigger that cos he stands there prodding my groin area and always says something like' nice groin' or ' that feels good' ... So quick prod of my lymphs and a 'that feels good' and he says I'll book you in for a CT scan on your liver and an MRI and I'll see you in beginning of June after you have recovered from the op and had the scans. Good luck! and off he bustled out the door. Just as he was about to leave, he turned and bellowed from the door Oh, how is your vagina? ...(snigger again) Any pain? No, its ok thanks says LM and off he goes.
He does make me laugh. He didn't ask me about my 'waterworks' this time which also makes me laugh cos he uses euphemisms for that, but not anything else and always shouts How is your vagina at me.
So, a waste of a Rolo! Anyone want one? i'd give it a wipe if you like... ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa
So, a bit odd cos I was geared up for checking for any new growth and have to wait till after the operation to find out about that but good news that the op is going ahead. I guess it won't if they find anything though so could be a bit of wake up and see what happened.... mind you, that is an option anyway as the surgeon did say that once he opened me up, he may not be able to rejoin it or it may be too damaged and would have to give me a permanent stoma anyway so should be interesting when I come round! Last op was a wake up and see whether you have a colostomy or ileostomy.. feel for which side the bag is on said the nurse... this time it will be feel for a bag or not I guess.
Half news I guess... the operation is on next week but won't know about tumours until after the op.
So i came away feeling a bit odd. half of me is so pleased that the operation is going ahead and grinning about that and part of me is thinking what just happened, cos you build yourself up for these appointments of cancer or no cancer and then to have him say oh we'll check next week is a bit of a what???? It also reminded me about my liver and the inconclusiveness of it that is a little bit scary and I usually don't think about... That's what I don't like about these visits is that they take a while for you to get your head round them. even if they are good news, they leave you a bit reeling after the nerves before hand. I also realised that I have got 4 more years of this even if all goes well. I wonder if you get used to it and stop worrying and reeling.... ?
Anyway, I went for a swim to digest it all and get my head straight again. And now its......
Full steam ahead for next Friday and becoming one half of the the Dynamic Dyson Duo (bagless) eeeeeeeeeeeek! Hahaaaaaaaaaa!
A friend of mine had a bit of her bowel removed yesterday (burst abcess or something) so we are planning getting friends to drive us to cafes with squidgy sofas once we are both out to compare scars and giggle.
I am actually looking forward to it now. BRING IT ON!!!!!
Oh dear, better get Bernard going it was longer than I thought.
Little My x
Rummage???? Not the word you want to hear someone say about your bum!
