If you read my first post, you will know I forgot number 3. Just remembered it so before I forget again... here it is.
I have always been a bit of a rebel and was a bit of a naughty so and so when younger- never hurt anyone or nasty, but lets just say I had a bit of mis-spent youth. As I have physically grown up (mentally lagging behind somewhat) most of my vices have trailed off and I became more of a good girl..to the point of dull! especially being a teacher meant toning down the silly hair and clothes etc too... the one vice I had left and which I really love was smoking... now, having cancer and smoking don't really go together do they and I could see the inevitable coming.... so after a few weeks of defiantly having a fag and saying to horrified friends, 'what's it going to do? give me cancer? oh no, got that already...' I knew I had to stop especially with an operation to get through before treatment and apparently smoking reducing the efectiveness of my radiotherapy.... and it being a carcinogen of course...and not quite that stupid to keep going with those odds.... so had my last beautiful and glorious cigaretter the day before my operation....
That's all ok and I can cope with it, the bit that bugs me is that smoking was my last vice and finger up at authroity/society/people telling me what to do- what ever you want to call it- they say its bad for you and the more they try to stop it, the more I stick my finger up and do it! So I now feel like a simpering good girl without a vice in the world and like I have finally given in to them....Don't know this makes sense to anyone out there at all but.... I need a new vice and a new way to metaphorically stick my finger up! Assuming I need to stay healthy as possible, so drink and drugs and fags are out.... any ideas?
Little My x
