Little My is getting bored eating take-aways as our new house doesn't have a cooker.. so today was the day we had to ...
Go And Buy A Cooker! Eeek.
This meant getting up rather early and driving a long way from the little middle of nowhere town to the big town with big shops that might sell cookers.
Before we start, if anyone reading this works at either of the electrical appliance shops beginning with C, no offence to you at all.... (not sure if you can use names on here so will use euphemisms.. you are used them with me)
So, to the first shop that begins with C and sounds like a takeaway that sells cookers and that.
It has merged with the computer shop since we were last there and they have built an upstairs.. Now anyone with half a brain would assume that they would put all the little gadgety computer type things upstairs and all the very heavy huge washing machine cooker type things downstairs... but this is the scary shop where the gadget trolls work so it is back to front. Little My still doesn’t quite ‘do’ stairs without gasping for breath so we gasp our way up the stairs to the land of white goods heaven (not).
I hate these shops. Really. I hate them... I think everyone does... please correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think I am right.
We look at cookers. The air conditioning is blowing loudly and to compete with it, they play loud tinny pop music over it. My ears hurt and it is giving me a headache... do I need to listen to Bros to buy a cooker? Does it help me choose? No. It makes me want to run screaming without buying things.
So anyway, amid the racket of hums and music we find a cooker that we think we like.... and are about to ask a troll to get us one when we have one last look...
Mind you says Little My it is black and gloomy looking and might look like the funeral in the corner of the kitchen as we have just bought happy jolly shiny red coffee machines and shiny toasters... We might have an eeyore boggy patch corner to cook in. ‘
Oh you are right - it is a bit the gloomy bad trip cooker’ says P. Oh man.. don't cook on me... bad...
Of course by this time we are both laughing rather loudly and I think I love P cos I don’t know many people (apart from some of you loons on here) that I can say I don’t like that cooker cos it is gloomy and will bring a downer on the other happy appliances and they don’t look at me like I am bonkers... so then one of the trolls that works there comes over. The upstairs trolls who sell kitchen stuff are not as bad as the downstairs wide tie wide boy trolls who sell computers, but still annoying.... We say we don’t want the ‘downer’ cooker but the happy one next door to it... He looks at us a bit oddly and says ‘you do know that is a small one?’ Yes, but I don’t want a fat bad boy cooker that will intimidate the other appliances.. says LM and our kitchen is small so we want that one.
I’ll go and see if we’ve got one he says...
You have I can see it there, or is it a hologram we have been looking at?
Stern look at me and off he trots. Sniggers from LM and P.
We don’t have one in stock, it will take 3 weeks to get you one says shop troll. 3 weeks? I know I like a kebab, but 3 weeks is pushing it even for me... Why do you have a shop that sells cookers if you don’t actually have any? Asks LM. Silence from the troll... I don’t think he heard me above the noise of Aha and the hum (must be 80’s day... Tim might like it here thinks LM)
Oh, we can’t wait that long I’m going off kebabs says LM.
‘Is there another one you might like?’ asks Shop troll
Well, what about the funeral one says LM. What? Says troll looking bemused? Oh the gloomy downer one says P and points to it. Bemused look again...
For some reason we often get bemused looks in shops and they don’t seem to take us seriously... no idea why.
We can get you that one in a week.... So LM and P have a discussion about whether to buy the gloomy cooker that might actually make us laugh cos it is eeyore and it might be funny having a bad trip downer eeyore of a cooker or whether we should go somewhere else.... and the Shop troll from the C shop that sounds like a take-away says..’ you could try the C shop that sounds like an asteroid down the road, even though I spit on them’ P also wants to get a hoover, but we leave it and off we trot to the other c shop full of trolls.
Even louder air conditioning and even louder music... P says I’ve got tinnitus I can’t cope... LM is frowning at the noise (her hearing is not too good either)and the cookers don’t look so nice with the screaming noise... Lady troll comes up and mumbles something...
What? Can’t hear you shouts LM... Mumble mumble help you?
What?? Oh, Yes. I want that cooker. Do you deliver, install, have one in stock etc screams LM above the Supremes belting it out over the air conditioning....
I don’t know.... I don’t do cookers says the troll....
What? I can’t hear you above the din... I DON’T KNOW
Why are you in the cooker department then? Shouts LM...
What? Says troll...
Lord have mercy upon my soul....
Eventually she goes off and asks someone- who-knows-about-cookers and we sit down to buy it with her, not the troll who-knows-about-cookers cos that would be sensible.
After telling us how amazing this cooker is, she starts to tell us that we need to take out an extended warrantee cos it will break and cost lots of money.... (??) you know the thing. Before she can finish her sentence we say no. NO! No thanks.
Why?
Just no....
can I ask why you don’t? Can I just tell you all the benefits?
It will save you and us a lot of time if you accept that we will say no whatever you say so can we leave it at that and just buy the cooker please?
But my manager will ask if I told you... and I want to know...
No. I’ll tell him you praised it to high heaven if he asks but please shut up and just give me the cooker...
Some people will say why they don’t want it.. is it a matter of principle?
Its a no and how ever you ask it will be a no and if you keep asking we will go back to the other troll shop and buy the melancholic cooker.
Ok. One cooker bought and we survive the troll ear bashing about warrantees and run, run like the wind out of the scary shop into the fresh air and quiet.
P also wanted to get a new vacuum cleaner. He is obsessed with them like us ladies are with new bags and shoes and shiny things... they don’t have the mach6 turbo vax thing he wants in the shop beginning with C that sounds like a space thing, but they did have it in the shop beginning with C that sounds like food so do we dare to go back? Well, if we don’t we have to come back in again all over again, so deep breath, fingers in ears and...
Up the stairs. Puff pant. I’m not carrying it down, that is the troll’s job if they are so stupid to put the big stuff up the stairs... No trolls upstairs, just the scary wide tied wide boy scary techy computer trolls downstairs sniggering to eachother with their mobile phones. Oh no I have to run the gauntlet of the scary techy trolls says P. I will just carry it down.
So, at the check out.. good vacuum cleaner she says... now can I interest you in a 5 year... Stop right there, if you say one more word I am walking out of this shop right now without buying anything... screams P.
She goes pale and silent and bleeps it through the till. We pay and run out into the silent sunshine of the car park. Hooorah free at last!
I’m not going to tell you what I did this afternoon cos certain individuals will slap my legs and arms etc but all I will say is that the bedroom is looking a lovely colour these days....
And!!!! Now we are living in civilisation, we are going to walk, yes walk(!!) to the pub for dinner and a drink! Wow! We have not done that for about 10 years!
My new house is cooooool and will be even cooler with our not quite so gloomy oven when it arrives in a week... more take aways! yum!.
So, that was nowt to do with cancer but hey, better than me blabbing on about my bum aching for you lot anyway...
Pints tonight cos we are at the pub and if Tim wins, the pints are on him, if he doesn’t they are on me... as I am celebrating surviving the trolls in the hated shops where they lurk and snigger and bully you into spending money on 5 year thingys.
Oh I also forgot to tell you about the cats.. quick one....
When we moved, we shut them in and blocked up the cat flap and the door was locked and like a submarine with air locks etc trying to get out with one door shut before you open the other one so they don’t escape and get lost and all that nonsense you have to do... so finally we think lets let them out... Ta dahh!! Says P and unblocks the cat flap and opens the back door... Eeeek say the cats and run away under the sofa and won’t come out or go out and run in a panic when the door opens and sulk until he brings the cat litter back in cos they are too scared to go out for a poo (ha ha couldn't have a blog without the word poo in eh?) Toady they dared to go out (for a bit) big wusses... good job we didn’t send them to buy a cooker, it would be takeaways forever cos they wouldn’t brave the trolls.
Big hugs
Little My xxx
Ps Sunny, if I can find out your address I can sent a gift certificate.... so don’t think you can get away with not telling me your size mwa ha ha now I seem to remember you telling me you were on page 7 of google.... I told you, a LM never gives up.... xxx
