So I had the letter with headed paper and everything inviting me for a date...
Nice little place, just off the M4, do a nice coffee... been there many times before.
Dress code: gown
Hmm where is that ball gown says Little My... I know I had one somewhere in the back of the wardrobe... must be a fancy date!
No metal jewellry- oooh I bet they are buying me a lovely necklace or something... how exciting!
Don't eat for 4 hours before hand- oooh must be a big slap up dinner eh?
Drink a pint before you come- are you just getting me in the mood eh? Loosen things up? I like your style...
Oh and I have heard you get a choice of music too... nice touch!
So Little My puts on clean pants (if it works for reaperfighter, I'm trying it) and try to make a bit of an effort with the ballgown... as I said if his wife says it works and it did with him, then I'm going for it...
So I actually get there in one piece (no exhausts falling or anything) though I do need a loo stop after drinking the pint... and when I stop, I get a text from one of my family wishing me luck (no not brother etc, but this family- Sunny! hoorah!) so you see Sunny, we are real worlds too and can cooexist and you were the only one to send me a text or anything to wish me luck so that is why you lot are so special to me and thank you sooooo much for caring and all the good wishes)
Oh! and I wasn't hungry as I woke up at 4am (worry i think, stupid I know but hey, brains and sleep don't listed to reason do they?) so by 7am I thought I might as well have some brekkie (which P brought up to me, awww how nice- actually its because he hates anyone in the kitchen early in the morning when he's having his cup of tea in there, but whatever, I get brekkie in bed)
So turn up with my legs crossed again by then, cos I thought I had better have more water and its a bit hard to walk in a ballgown with your legs crossed! Then remembered nannyb;s advice about not being able to get on the couch with your legs crossed so threw caution to the wind and went to the loo and uncrossed them...
Now, I think I might start writing the travellers guide to MRI scans as I realise that this is the third scan I have had and in the third different hospital, (CT's only 2, lagging behind) so i am starting to compare the facilities... nicer waiting area... good loo (they let me go afterall!) magazines were better in number 1... nice cubicles here... etc.
So CTon my spruced up and polished liver first... here, you need to put this gown on she says... Oh says Little My, I thought you were to come in a gown...some party this was turning out to be... she forces more water down me, sticks needles in my arms for the dreaded dye that makes you feel like you have peed yourself (which is quite possible in my case) and rigs me up with the canula etc. The first silly comment I made, she looked at me funny and didn't know whether to laugh or not, but soon got the hang of it and start comparing silly stories- she tells me about not putting the saline in far enough and it squirting out all over the lady before me and she had her eyes closed and thought it was blood ha ha and i told her about thinking the CT was in a tube like the MRI and told the nurse I was going to keep my eyes shut cos I was claustophobic!! (what ? of a donut? Snigger) so that passed the time and the pain of that needle thing...
So CT has a cartoon face of breathing and holding your breath and that made me gigglewhen it flashed with its puffy cheeks which doesn't keep you still.... horrid dye injected, oh dear, have I wet mysef? another hot flush? no, phew...
Now the good thing about this establishment (GC's place) is that apart from having gorgeous consultants they are small and the MRI is next door and the same people so they whisk me straight through and i have to answer the silly questions of do you ahve metal embedded in your eyes? Hang on I'll have a look... sorry I can't see for this fork in there... Has a surgeon ever left his forceps in you after an op? etc and the are you pregnant... chance would be a fine thing says little My..... are you kidding? Miraculous conception it would be.. halo and all... ha ha I get the hint she says sniggering (and says sorry she has to ask the question even though she knows what 6 weeks radiotherapy to the pelvis does...)And some of things on the list I have never heard of so I guess i don't have them, but some of them sound kind of groovy...
MRI.... where is my choice of music says Little My cos as much as Sunny tries to convert me, rap is out. (FIrst time, abba - no choice. second time- rap cos they forgot to put on my choice of nice calming classical stuff) so what's it to be this time?? Oooh the excitement... not Barry White eh?
Here's your ear plugs she says...handing me 2 little foamy yellow things... Hmm no wires attached- maybe they are really posh here and are wireless...
No, they are earplugs... We're not that fancy here and actually the ear plugs are a bit rubbish too.. she says... Ho hum-No Abba then? I'd prefer the earplugs to Abba she says.. hate Abba and off she runs leaving the squeezy bulb in my hand...
So half an hour of buzzing and clunking VERY VERY LOUDLY and guess what? I fell asleep... snoring, dribbling asleep... and they wake me up as they take me back out and look at me as if I am bonkers for falling asleep with that many decibels resounding in my ears....
Clean pants, ball gown etc back on and free to go....
Stop off and get a sandwhich and coffee in the outpatients cafe bit and read my emails- all the warped ones about what you lot are going to wear to my wedding! spit my coffee out laughing, need a wee again, laughing out loud at you lot. Start to get looks from the others... and I discovered something.... when I looked up...
Our hospital has themed days for the consultants... I go on Friday which is bowel and bum day. Usually it is hard to tell who is who- patient and friend/partner etc. though they are all over 70 years old apart from me.
Today is not Friday and everyone there looks rotten.. ill rotten I mean and I think oh you poor things and it is easy to tell who is who and they must think I am there waiting for my dad or something... so... I think my scary good healthy looks might be down to us bum people sticking things up there.... anyone else with me on that one? Mind you, it was also the first time that I had seen anyone under the age of 70 in there too.... Hmmm I think I like Fridays where we seem to have done a pact with the devil and we all look great... and a big hug for anyone who was there today... that looks crap... oh and I saw your consultant too... not GC at all... I do really feel sorry for you... big hugs all round...
So, back home, knackered and continued to not plan things...
Booked GP tomorrow for fit note phasing stuff, smear attempt 1 for next week (no nurses in this week- eh? aren't you a surgery or something?)
And now all I have is 8 days of nail biting to find out whether that sword falls or not, whether the bus will stop or run me over, and every other metaphor known to us... mixed or not... and I hate waiting..as we all do... better distract myself with work.. oh no, you told me not to do that... where's the gin :o)
Actually, in some ways it is kind of a big weird relief cos you always feel you can somehow change things or influence things and every twinge might mean something and change something, but now I have had the scans, that is it... the dye is set or the die is cast.. never remember which one it is, but you know what I mean... whatever I do or not, those results are winging their way to GC so it doesn't matter if that makes any sense? So... all we need to do now is a bit of distraction for a few days and then power suits and crossed appendages on the 9th.... easy eh?
Thanks for getting me out of the doldrums the other day and enjoy the silliness and the calm before the storm, cos boy am I going to be a mad psycho head spinning screaming loony next Thursday night...
drinks and choccies and icecream for those who want to insist it is still summer... Little My xxxx
