Hello, my mother in law was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and has now been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer. At the moment she is unable to walk and is in her bed all day. She is getting very depressed as she is so bored. She would like to be able to speak to somebody who has been in the same situation so she can ask how they coped, i think it might be able to take her mind of it and put her mind at ease just to be able to speak to somebody. If there is anybody out there that can help me i would be very grateful.
FormerMember
This is such difficult news. There are some very clever oncologists and they will do their very best for her.
It may be that it is not very advanced and they can treat it successfully. We do feel so worried about the brain, but it is just a part of the body and can be treated.
If she can't read, can she listen to books on CD or tape? There are quite a lot of recordings to many tastes, and your local library will get anything she wants if you give them a list.
There was someone a while ago who posted on this topic, but she hasn't posted for a few months, so we don't know how she got on. I am not in the same position, but I do hope someone with more relevant experience can help you - and her.
I feel deeply for your mother-in-law; I also have breast cancer with - confirmed today, but I had suspected it - secondary in my bones. I will also be losing mobility in the not-too-distant.
You haven't said whether your mother-in-law was very physically active; I suspect she may have been and is therefore hugely frustrated with the brain and bed business. I have the following recommendations:
- Radio 4! A godsend, even if it's not been your cup of tea previously. Wonderful how they lurch from subject to subject, always interesting and it's like having a wise and entertaining friend you don't have to give anything back to. Some very funny plays and comedy spots also;
- Kids! Hate em myself! - have gone out of my way to avoid having them, but my nephew and niece (11 and 8) are fab company in small doses. They are SO unfazed by it all and I am astonished by how much I enjoy chatting about the rubbish they get up to and their schoolteachers, friends, hobbies, etc.
- The web - having converted my Luddite father, who took 50 years to learn how to use the telephone, to the internet - even if she is an IT-phobe, it would only take a short tutorial in button-pressing (and not too much money: you can get a laptop for under £500 and someone you know [me, if necessary!] will be able to give you basic software for nothing). Get her on to Friends Reunited, or the joys of Wikipedia for all those questions that have floated around in the ether but you've never bothered to tackle in the past. Or celebrity tittle tattle sites to make one feel superior to these weirdoes. Or any sites about things she has/has had an interest in: fashion, discussion of TV programmes or current affairs, food, music, sewing, etc. Or indeed this site, where you can let off steam in your lucid or non-lucid moments and all you'll get is support, sympathy and understanding. And utter, utter lack of snottiness.
- Music - if there was someone who had time to put together a compendium of her favourite tunes, you can dig out ANYTHING, however old and obscure on ITunes and shove it on to a cheap ipod which you can set up on your computer. It's great for evoking nice memories and cheering you up.
- Recipes - it sounds as if you are close; is there anyone in the family who likes cooking and has time on their hands? Escoffier (very active member on this site and professional chef) is a great source of advice and guidance. If your mum-in-law is off food and eating, she may just have days where she fancies fantasising a bit about something she likes to eat or drink and someone could cook it up for her. Speaking as a "career woman" who never ever cooked, it's become something of a passion of mine on the days when good old hunger returns for a call.
Hmm on re-reading this all seems a little glib but I hope it might give you a few ideas. All the best, the fact that you're thinking ahead about your mother-in-law's situation and have found this site means that you are a good person in her life.
