I am starting to think I may be looking for places that the cancer has spread to with dad. I was with him yesterday and he looked awful, which makes me worry more. He had a CT scan in May which they the tumour had spread to his stomach and his lymph nodes, my brain worries about where it has spread to in this time since May. He was trying to tell us something yesterday and me or mum couldnt figure out what he was trying to tell us, this is happening a lot which make me think it may have spread to his brain he also is having pains in his leg which makes me think it might be in his bones. They scheduled a bone scan which was later cancelled when we was told there was nothing they could do for him. I just cant stop thinking about all this, I worry constantly about when the 'end' comes. Mum said to me the other day that she thinks he wont go till after Christmas and I could not give her a honest answer because I just dont know. I fear my mum is starting to go into a bit of a denial phase with it all which worries me because I dont want her to get her hopes I am just stuck in a really hard position here. I just feel tortured.
