Sorry I havent blogged for a while things have been hectic with Dad being in the hospice, mum does the afternoon visiting and I stay at work til 6pm to go and visit him when I am finished. He has been up and down and round about he has a good week then a awful week. Dad still has the lymphodoema in his leg, the physio is coming to look at that tomorrow. He has been fine a good patient better than he was before at the last place. Tonight worried me, he was very drowsy and couldnt keep his eyes open and I looked for all the answers to why this was happening and I could not find a reason for it. He hadnt had his breakthrough medication which makes him drowsy, he had slept during the day today, he hadnt been active during the day etc. I just dont know his breathing was not so good.
When I was sitting with Dad the nurses were changing a man in the bed across from dad into fresh pyjamas and giving him a wash, nothing out of the ordinary then this poor man just shouted 'please just let me die' I was devastated, I still dont know how I managed to keep the tears back in front of dad as I wanted to burst into floods, I then started to think that if dads like that it will break my heart. Dad fell asleep again, so I sorted his bed for him and left him to it as he was in no humour for company tonight. All the way home I cried thinking about that one line from a stranger luckily it is really frosty in Aberdeen tonight so everyone that seen the tears streaming down my face will have just thought it was because of the cold frosty air.
I couldnt see a nurse to tell her my worried about dads breathing so I called them when I got home to tell them, I am so afraid I miss something that may be important.
Dont know how much sleep I am going to get tonight.
