My apologies to people who have been following my blog.
Dad is still bumbling along in the hospice slowly getting worse, there is a chance he may get home for christmas. He is basically stopping eating just now, he is like my 3 year old grandson when I ask him why he didnt eat his veg. Its the highlight of my day asking dad what he had for tea that evening and what it was like, I have had "how they expect anyone to survive on that", "it was shocking even the nurses said it didnt look nice" my favourite by far was when he had a salad I asked how it was and was told the salad was "chewy" I repeated "the salad was chewy" just to check he was saying the right thing and he said yea, I have to say that is one of the moments I think will stay with me when he is gone. He falls asleep a lot just now which is normal I am told we learn not to take is personally but frustrating when he falls asleep in the middle of a profound conversation.
Sorry I am away to have a feel sorry for myself moment - all this has caught up with me I had the doctor on Tuesday lunchtime and found out I have a major bladder and kidney infection apparently I have had it a couple of week and just never put 2 and 2 together and I am suffering for it, when I left the doctors and thought about it it clicked into place when I looked back over the weeks. Now I am in total agony with it my stomach is so sore, I have a extra tube in my kidney which makes getting rid of infections harder so I havent been to see dad in a couple of days as no one in my family drives so I have been feeling very guilty about not seeing him, he says he understands more than anyone about bladder pain and can sympathise with me but I still feel guilty. I feel guilty because I have no christmas spirit this year I am finding it so hard to find my ho ho hos this year which is not me you would normally have to pluck me off the ceiling by now but not this year, I know I will have to find the spirit for my grandson on christmas day but it is so hard this year.
Sorry self pity over and done with.
T xx
