Two weeks ago I attended a pretty regular appointment to review an abdominal MRI as I have unrelated hip joint problems - and fortunately my husband was there too - when I was told I have a large solid mass in the muscle of my right hip. It wasn't what I'd expected to hear or to discuss that morning. I was told it was definately solid and not fluid filled; it was unconnected from the joint and was located quite separate from the bone; it's margins were clearly within the muscle and well defined. As I was visiting this orthopaedic surgeon privately, I was referred for an urgent MRI to study the growth in detail and a biopsy under ultra sound.
Taking this information in took at least 36 hours as I simply was in shock. I knew I had a lumpy hip but due to previous surgery had assumed it was related to this as I also have (intentionally & through a lot of effort) lost about 3.5 stone in the last year. But there it was in plain site all along and ignored! If it was causing pain this too had been ignored again put down to my hip joint problems. When this initial shock had reduced (and with one sleepless night behind me) I started the phonecalls to the health insurance, GP and hospital to chase appointments etc. I found this exhausting, very emotional and confided in my first friend - who was fantastically supportive - not planned, she simply was there when I'd had enough and broke down. But I learnt my first valuable lesson about how good & kind my friends and neighbours are; and that I should ask them for help when it's needed.
The first weekend was exausting simply as it was also easter; I was able to spend time with friends at the church I attend, and gain emotional and spiritual support for which I was grateful; and the extra days off work ment my days were spent out and about with my wonderful family (husband & two young kids), but I was getting more and more worn out by lack of sleep. During the day I knew I could cope (except for the tiredness) but at night I would wake after the first 2-3 hours and my mind would wander in to deep and dark places.
By the end of the bank holiday (day 8) I knew I needed to get more rest before it had an effect on my family and working life so visited my GP. He precribed some sleeping tablets for short term use and recommended if I could use them every few nights rather than continuosly it would have a better effect. With only two days until my MRI, it ment I achieved two good nights sleep and gave me so much more energy and emotional strength to cope with the days. I even managed to work.
Day 10 I returned for my follow up MRI. The Dr (radiology) that had initially identified my tumor observed / supervised to ensure everything was captured that she needed. I needed contrast dye to be injected into a vein for the second part. It was long and noisy, but aided by a good music selection piped through the head phones! I didn't get immediate feedback but the Dr called me that evening to ask if I could come in on the following Tuesday for bloods and biopsy (with it being a long bank holiday weekend again this was in effect the next working day). With a holiday planned for this coming Sunday I was more than happy to oblige to get this part of the process well under way.
So with a Royal wedding and a bank holiday to enjoy I let my manager know the score - stressing that at this time the tumor could and may well be benign and they will 'simply' remove it. Which is still my official line, although like many you also consider the other possibilities. I also shared the news with more friends and neighbours partly to apologise in advance for any sour looks or grumpiness but also as I knew I would need their help and support. Interestingly enough, at this stage we (hubby & I) have not shared this news with family. I think in the main this is because without firm news of what this is and where it's going to lead there is little they can do. And as I know they love us I simply don't want them to have this burden or stress until I can tell them for definite. There is little they can do at this time and would serve no purpose and simply cause them worry.
Day 15 (yesterday) I spent my day in Portsmouth. I worked for a little in the morning from my hubby's office before going for my 'bloods' - which had a huge queue and a 90 mins wait. I managed a little more work - attempting badly to have some normality - but failing miserably with regular toilet visits simply through nerves.
Hubby dropped me off for the biopsy with a promise to return at 4pm. Dressed in the usual 'classy' hospital gown the tumor was studied using ultra sound before she set to work with various biopsy needles to get the samples (under local anesthetic). My claim to fame is that my lump is a tough bugger and bent at least one of the needles! She was able to get about 7 good samples but stated that if more were needed it would need open surgery. She confirmed it is 16cm x 11cm and says she thinks she knows what it is (I actively decided not to ask for more information on what this may or may not be as she probably wouldn't give it without the confirmation of the test results to back it up).
Day 16 - today - although sore and bruised has been a good day. I've been out to work and got a lot of jobs done. I feel relieved the first major hurdles are complete and all I can do now is wait for the results. At no point has anyone stated that I shouldn't worry or that this is probably nothing; I think the best the Drs have acheived is that I shouldn't leave thinking it's all dome and gloom! So I am positively realistic in my expectations of what I may be told. I know that my bloods were clear and that there was nothing unusual; I know it's slow growing (I've had it at least 1yr); I know I feel well (although quite scared at times); I know I have a loving family and a good support network around me so I know that what ever this is we will deal with it.
