I feel this is slightly misleading "cancer experiences" doesn't quite fit someone who's in remission. I'm not quite sure how to start this or how to say what I want to say so apologies if I ramble somewhat.
Really I think I want this post to be a big smile because this week for the first time I had a muscle pain and didn't think it was cancer.
When I realised that I completely accepted and wasn't worried about my physio's diagnosis of a problem in my good shoulder it was a big moment for me. Usually when my knee twinges or my back hurts some small, panicky, paranoid part of my brain goes into overdrive wondering if this is the first evidence of a new tumour so finding myself with a quite painful injury but not worried was new and huge and exciting, a glimpse that even the scars cancer leaves on the inside may well fade with time. I know I'm still quite a long way from healthy and there's plenty of pain, problems and at least one more op to go before I can wake up in the morning and just feel fine or normal, but I reckon that's the start of it and I'm glad.
And this is where my thank you comes. Without my amazing Mac Chat friends I definitely wouldn't have made it this far. You are always there. Always ready to listen. Always ready give great advice. I know there are still panicky moments to come. I know there will be more nights like tonight where my shoulders are interfering with the whole sleep concept. But I guess what I'm trying to say is this week I achieved something new and normal and in a huge way it's thanks to all of you.
Beth xx
