Over the weekend, my son had his 2nd session. It wasn't as smooth as the 1st time because he vomited on the 2nd day in the hospital and once again the night we got home. I'm thankful that there were just two incidents. It is scary and sad to see him go through this but he is very courageous and takes it all in stride, no complaints. After the second time at home, I was offering to give him his anti-vomit medication but he preferred not to. I trust that he knows what he can and can't handle. He likes to exercise control over his body and the situation and I respect his decisions.
The wonderful news is, he is responding very well to chemo. The ultrasound of his left kidney showed a considerable decrease in size from 20 x 18 cm to 13.9 x 6.6 x 7 cm. Even the radiologist couldn't believe his eyes and was wondering if this was possible. I believe in miracles.
Today, a lovely couple who are family friends and both doctors are returning to the U.S. with the paraffin block of the renal mass and bone marrow biopsy. Upon our doctor's recommendation, we are having these sent out for a second opinion. Waiting for test results are always very difficult because in our case, while my son was being diagnosed, each test that came back seemed to bring worse news than the last. It's been a downward spiral, a nightmare, even up till now, I wonder if this is all real and not just some sick, perverted joke. However, it's a little easier now to know that he is being treated already- that something is being done about it.
Strange thing though, when we first found out and even up to now, I never asked the question "why?" Some people would talk to me and tell me," I'm sure you're asking yourself why? Why him? When there are a lot of bad people out there who deserve to be sick." I'd tell them that on the contrary, those questions never entered my mind.
Let me tell you where I'm coming from. A couple of years back, a very good friend of mine, a nun was headed to a province to bring relief goods to those hard hit by a super typhoon. She along with several other nuns in their congregation met an accident when their van was hit by a truck on the highway. They all had to be confined in the hospital because of bruises and concussions, my friend's vision was affected. Anyway, it was then I realized that bad things happen to good people or that things just happen and this doesn't mean that it's a punishment from God for not going to mass on Sundays or whatever. I come from the only predominantly Catholic country in Asia and people here can have very closed minds about religion and can be very judgmental, also I'm not a practicing Catholic, I believe in a personal relationship with the God of my understanding.
So, that's why I never asked why.
FormerMember
hi sunmaid, to wanted to send you my best wishes to your son ,you & your family . i was really touched when i read your blog i to have been asked that question many a time & my answer is why not me. i was also brought up catholic & though i am no longer a practicing catholic i do still have strong beliefs in my own way .i don't think any one is being punished by god when they get a serious illness it the luck of the draw so to speak .so i agree with what you are saying keep strong love you are doing a great job looking after your son what better hands can he be in than that of a loving caring mother . make sure that you also get time to yourself as caring for someone is a full time job so you need to make sure that you look after yourself as well . take care love n hugs theresa xx
Thank you for what you shared. Lately, my tears have been so shallow I'd cry at the drop of a hat. Read your reply through my tears, helps me to know we share the same sentiments. Your empathy also eases my troubled mind and heart and affirms me as a mother and as a person.
Sometimes I feel alienated from the rest of my friends. Although I know they mean well and want to be there for me, they can never fully grasp what I am going through. It may sound strange but at times I'd rather talk or be with strangers who understand where I am now because of similar experiences. The other day, I gave the chat room a visit and it was a flurry of activity. Since I'm not used to chatting, I was slow and couldn't keep up between the reading and the typing and, of course the crying. but the others were so warm and welcoming- made me wish they were all actually here and that I could feel the actual, physical hugs they were sending me.
