I did manage to review the lecture before going in and made the decision to attend. It turned out to be extremely informative and problems that would probably be unrelated to my mum's cancer. I felt better after even having a chat with the lecturer who is fantastic and one of my favourites, she has a very infective big laugh and it's hard not to join in, came away from Uni feeling quite a bit better.
The morning was somewhat harder, trying to answer text conversations with my sister during lectures about how mum is feeling and what her symptoms mean. Even after finishing the antibiotics she is still feeling very sick and extremely tired. Her Mac nurse was off yesterday but hopefully will answer her messages today. Thing is mum keeps her at arms length, as much as I have explained she is there to help, mum is old school and I am sure she thinks if she admits she needs help she is giving in. My other sister went in last night to visit, very much the level headed, less emotional one out of the three of us. She contacted us after and admitted she too is worried, ah so it's not just my emotions running away with me then!
I am waiting for a bit as mum tends to go back to bed in the mornings but will call her soon, going to leave the kids with my brother in law and take my sister to visit tomorrow. So we wait to see if her Mac nurse can 'pop' in, Mum has talked about wanting to see her, unusual as I have said.
So although each day is a struggle and I go to bed physically and emotionally exhausted. But with a sense of achievement for 'coping' and not giving up. I know this is nothing compared with what my lovely mum is having to endure and if I could take away her worries, pain and sorrow I would deal with that too. So in the future I hope I can continue to use the experience to make me stronger and the old addage turns out to be true.
Diane x
