As I lie here awake having had my 2am Oramorph dose I've been thinking through how I've been feeling over the weekend and trying to understand/ deal with things a little better.
First of all I think I've been a bit in mourning for pre diagnosis me. I watched a video of a holiday with friends and it quite upset me to think ill never be that person again. Partly I suppose physically things will have changed ( and I know over time it should all be less noticeable) but also mentally, I'm always going to be living with this and what I've been through, and that thought that it's still in here somewhere.
Then I've also been feeling angry and frustrated at the food situation. I know I should be treating the ensures like a medicine, but I've just lost all enthusiasm for them. I'm missing real food so much. It's hard seeing and smelling stuff around the house.
I think I have too much time to dwell on all this stuff at the weekend, thats why the chance to go to work is good for me and I can see why the consultant originally said it was fine/ good to keep it up if I could.
