Update

I doubt if your sister will be allowed home if she lives on her own with no help.  After a hysteretomy you are not even allowed to lift the kettle for weeks, let alone shopping, bed making cleaning and ironing. the pain should be controlled by the medics, and if it is not she should let them know.

She will feel completely washed out and uncomfortable for several weeks.  She should make the most of every opportunity of help offered whatever her age, it is not anything to be looked down on, but commended because it is sensible and will hasten her recovery. It is not just social services that will offer help, the specialist nurse should be able to point her in nhs directions for aid.

I realise that you have problems with the distance, but if she is on her own can she not come to you to recover?  it may aid your 'bonding' which seems to have been sadly lacking in the past.

There is also a lot of after care support groups, that would help with any emotional feelings she may have to deal with, especially considering your previous family problems.  please help her accept all the help that is out there for people if they look for it.

macmillan have plenty of information and advise, and if there is a centre in the hospital they should be able to help and advise.  It is a good place to start.

I hope things go well with her, and you manage to sort something out at the weekend.

Good luck

Viv

she wont come here

she has a daughter who is 10 - my sister was 14 when she had her - and her daughter doesnt want  to miss school.  i can understand this, she missed a lot of school when she was younger and is now happy to be in regularly, she wants her attendance certificate.

my sister has her (ex) boyfriend and a couple of (unreliable) friends around.

Maybe now she has had the op and is aware of the pain she will swallow her pride and accept the help.  I know this will not be an easy task for her but I hope she can do it.

I AM going to speak to the nurses and tell them of the situation and I did look up at contacting someone from macmillan.

Her daughter is getting picked up by a teacher to be taken to school and also dropped off after school, so this is good and her daughter has learnt how to cook simple meals and stuff.  I am worried about the amount of responsibility on her at such a young age, however.  I do know she loves her mum to bits and will do anything her mum asks of her.

I feel totally fucking selfish.  I know if I were to stay with my sister it would be for AT LEAST a month.  I have college, volunteer work, training to be a counsellor.  We have 4 animals and I also have therapy appointments.  

Feel really bad, feel even worse cuz it aint about me!

Hi Starfish,

It's no good feeling guilty because it isn't you.... that does no one any good.  The thing is to be there for her, at the end of the phone  whenever she feels she needs to talk.  You never know, perhaps her friends will come up with the goods when they realise just how things are and not expect the daughter to take over.  It sounds as if the school are aware of the situation, so that should help.  Whenever you go down you should make sure the daughter gets some 'me' time with her mates.

I hope it all works out for you all.

Viv