Since before having the Stoma Op mum was just trialling the fentynal patches, they worked for a while but mum has really thin dry skin caused by all the prednistilone steroids she has had to take over the years, she only bumps herself and she bleeds bless her, so eventually they stopped sticking to her and have found they are not strong enough (went from 16 - 56 in about a month. So over the passed two weeks they have changed her patches. (I haven't been there have been on time out to see fiance and spend some time together). These patches have caused her chest to get bad she is bubbling and wheezing non stop so nebulisers have been upped.
This always causes her to feel low and very upset, bless her she yet again was just kinda getting back on her feet well sorta.(For those who know of mum her tumor is growing from her back passage and into one of her buttocks so the area is very sore and bleeds quite regularly making it hard to walk/sit) So another blow to her trying to retain some sort of normality. She is trying so hard............... because of all the mixed medication she is tearful too. I feel so bad as there is not a bloody thing i can do apart from give her hugs and pass tissues.
So back to the medication they have now decided concentrated oxynorm is the way to go, now i didn't even know they did concentrated version of this then again four yrs ago i didn't know what oxynorm was! She is now allowed it every two hours rather then every four.
(shhhhhhh dont tell anyone but i've been doing this a while my sister on the other hand likes rules and has stuck in the past to the four hour ruling even if mum is writhing in pain, which i just cant so this has made me feel like i have permission from the hospice to stick two fingers up at her lol). On the other hand this news has reduced me to tears because i know this is getting worse and almost to the point where it is hard to control the pain. I don't let go that often but this made me weep like a baby. My mum has fought so frickin hard four yrs on 23rd Dec. She didn't think she'd make it to see my niece her eldest grandaughter start secondary school and she has acheived that............ Now I'm looking for something for her to hold onto for I feel like i'm alice in wonderland falling down that hole just scrapping for something to hold onto and never finding it or reaching the bottom. My so called white rabbit (alice in wonderland keep up ppl ;-)) is now Christmas, but I am not sure its a big enough thing for her to hold on for.................. am I being selfish???? Yes I am my beautiful mum is in untold amounts of pain so much so I can see it in her eyes and I cant let her go yet. Wrong in every way possible, but i just cant.
We took my mum out for my birthday, took her to a local garden centre to have tea and cake it was just Kev, my mum and I, and I loved every minute of it. It made my birthday very special indeed, when i text to say thank you, she text back sorry and she had wished it could have been different...... which broke my heart. As to me it was perfect.
Anyway lets see how this oxynorm goes..... keep smiling people. X
