I received amazing support from my post about depression after remission. Most importantly I found that my feelings were 'normal' and shared by many of us who have experienced cancer and despite the 'no evidence of disease' still are left feeling anxious and at times very depressed.
I have been applying lots of thought from the advice and experiences of everyone and have tried to explain my situation to
my closest family, to explain why I have been unable to cope with their own grief and anxiety whilst trying to deal with my own with little support, other than friends and from here.
Today has been terrible - I arranged to meet my sister and very calmly explained my feelings, and how the verbal attack of one of her grown up children (because I have apparently not 'stepped in' as expected) has led to deep depression and anxiety attacks. She accused me of coming for a row and criticising her son and asked me to leave. The thing is, I had arranged to meet her on neutral territory, but when I visited my cousin this morning (as I had all week as his lymphoma had finally beaten him) he passed away while I was there, so I changed it to her house in case she became upset at the news.
I am feeling fairly numb now - I have as yet been unable to cry for my cousin, he had been in hospital for chemo at the same time as me last year and we have become a great comfort to each other. And I have had to explain to my daughter that it is likely we no longer have close family, but we do have uncles further away who we will visit.
So I have tried to do my best again, trying to make things up even when I have been the one wronged, and failed miserably. I have been unable to make her or them understand how it is after cancer, even in remission so they could understand that I have done my best to support her in her loss, whilst coping with my own grief and loss. I hope noone else judges me so badly, I am losing faith even in myself and wondering if maybe I have been at fault - but I can't remember a lot of this year in recovering my strength myself, and I am sure I have done my best.
FormerMember
I am so sorry your sister has taken it the wrong way. Did I miss something about you having to "Step in" You stepped in with your cousin, and now there isn't much you can do.
You will want to keep the channels open with your sister though. A notecard with something to the effect of "We are still sisters, and I still love you" will make it easier for her to come back and apologise later. If she phones, don't make assumptions, just listen.
Anyway, now you just look after yourself. Make a note of twinges, how bad, where and when, then when you go to see the medics for a follow up, let them know. If a pattern emerges, go and see the GP. Go anyway, and see if he will give you a mild antidepressant. It is perfectly normal to feel like this, and we understand. Just say to yourself "This too will pass" and go and do something interesting. Take up croquet, or macrame, the winter game.
I didn't know if I had made any sense at all, just to get it all out and try to work it out - I am stunned by the response, and feeling so much better. You have all said what somewhere I thought, but thngs get so clouded. I have stopped shaking this afternoon and feel a little warmer - I seem to so easily go into shock. You are all right - I need to keep my distance now knowing that I have tried and it is not the time. I have tested out the news that I am currently estranged from her with a couple of friends and have had equally supportive responses. Thanks so much once again, for the comfort and support you bring on here, and for the kind words.
I am so glad my thread has also helped others, thanks Lori, to hear of good coming from sharing difficulties you couldn't share in the real world is quite a realisation.
The funeral is on Friday, which I shall focus on saying prayers for him and his family and try to block out the estranged family who care to come.
Glad to hear you are recovering. It takes about 3 days to recover from such upset and you are doing better the next day! Well done. I think you will find that you are doing much better having made the decisions you have made. I'm sorry for your sister as you are clearly a wonderful person and she has chosen, for reasons only she knows, and maybe she doesn't even have that going for her, not to have you in her life and share this difficult journey with you! Carry on! Best, Lori
