Full of hope on this new years day, but reflecting on the fact that I am one of only a couple of people I have met through here and Macm that have not had recurrence of some kind from anal cancer. The prognosis was extremely good and I hold onto that, but sometimes the odds seem to be building up. Another check up at the clinic in two weeks' time, probably why I'm starting to worry again. Trouble is people I've got to know seem to be falling around me, I'm so there for them but can't help feeling anxious for myself.
I don't suppose I'm by any means the only one who feels like this. One year in remission at the end of January!
FormerMember
Hey there Peachy!
I would bet that you would get anxious. The difficult part in remission is learning HOW to LIVE with cancer, from everything I have read and experienced as a caregiver. It is something many people don't even begin to understand at first. Meeting fellow cancer patients is so helpful, but then the down side is living with how they are doing, good and bad. I don't know about you, but I can get very attached to good people. They become a big part of my life and when they lose their battle or run into rough spots, I find it very hard.
So you hang on to that remission of yours! Head up, deep breath, move forward and remain hopeful, be brave, have courage. Know that you will face whatever comes. Best, Lori
Hi Lori, nail on the head - I have met some wonderful people either virtually or face to face since experiencing cancer, and 90% of them are those who are also patients and therefore have the same uncertainties for their personal life - and as usual would also reiterate the uncertainty you have too as close caregiver. Your understanding takes my breath away you have such insight.
I have lost family as you know, but also cyber friends including one very special lady this summer whose husband at her death found my messages to her and invited me to her funeral, which I was so touched by. Other friends are fighting recurrences and another was told just before Christmas that they are unable to treat her and she may only have a few months - we have exchanged messages, letters and cards but never met, but she feels close and I think of her constantly. It doesn't get me down, this knowledge of uncertainty, but it does make me restless and anxious to make life, especially for my daughter, as good as it can be. But there are of course the usual financial, physical and emotional limitations cancer brings which are frustrating. One other special friend, one of a group of 'bottom enders'(!), who has supported me since my diagnosis almost two years ago sent me a Christmas card which was very special - "another year! Keep going moving forward and let's have a great 2009". Just that - acknowledging another year, how clever we all are! And how we can keep moving forward for those we have lost, to fight for them.
Another year, wow, where did it go? Still climbing.
Next clinic Jan 15th - here's hoping for a two year all clear. Think I'm beginning to get used to the uncertainty, still there but stronger, more confident.
Wishing everyone good news in this new year, new decade.
