im new in here and i have been searching the internet for a forum that deals with loved ones cancer,we just got told last tuesday 3rd march 2009 that my sons dad has terminal cancer of the brain,his doctor said he was lucky as most people with this cancer don't manage to live past 2 years or so,he has now had it for alittle over 4 years....we split up whan our son was 4 years old but have remained firm friends... he never told me the extent of his tumour! i learnt this all last week.so as you can imagine this has come as a shock! we talked about it and he decided that he didnt want anyone to know (i guess he needs to handle this himself first) but we do have a 16 year old son that doesnt know anything except his dad "had" a tumour (not "got" a tumour) and will probly not see his own birthday in june..he has glioblastoma multiforme....his doctor explianed that he was lucky to get a second operation on this as they dont normally do it,but recent scans revealed that it has changed shape again and there is no surviving it....i guess my first question has got to be "would you tell your child as early as possible?or would you wait a few weeks/months?" (i wouldnt know how to tell him but i would find a way as gently as i could) second question is "i have know idea what to expect in the coming weeks/months on how he (sons dad) is going to be towards the end,ive read blogs but they dont really tell me much,i know each case is different but any insight would be appreciated
FormerMember
hi skyliner there is no easy answer to your question . i have had a different cancer [breast ] i told my children in the very being that i had a lump but my youngest daughter who is sixteen also ,didnt realise what this ment though i thought she did very confusing i know . she & my two other daughters came with me for my appointment my two younger ones stayed outside my elder one came in with me she is 27 . when i had been told it was cancer my younger two came into the consulting room& i told them as gently as i could that the results were positive. afterwards my youngest was quite angry because she believed i had told her sisters what was happening but not her which wasn't true it was her understanding of the situation that was the mix up . what i am trying to say is please don't keep your son in the dark & make sure he knows as much as he can so he can deal with things . he maybe angry shout scream or he may take it quitely .which ever as a loving mum you will be there for him . you know your son the best .i just wish that i had made it clear for siouxsie as the way she found out was a shock to the system. also there will be things he will want to do with his dad tell him etc .i think you need to talk to your ex again & explain that your son needs to know what is happening so he can deal with it in his own way. maybe you could tell him together ? whatever you decide please keep us posted on how you all are take care love n hugs theresa xx ps please feel free to pm me if you would like to xxx
thank you for your reply....i know what you say is right,we shouldve been straight with our son,but i have to go by his dad wishes when he says he isnt ready to tell anyone yet...i wish he would change his mind but he is a subbord man so i will have to wait until he is ready...this tumour is horrid on the effects it has on a person,his chemo stopped last month as he was having 10 days with chemo and the rest of the month without,so really his chemo stopped 2 months ago...i think!..already his speech (which has never been good since first diagnosed almost 4 years ago) has gone down hill his walking and movement has de-creased too im scared that he is going to fall over and he wont be able to help himself as movement in his right side is limited due to the tumour...just tonight i noticed a swelling on his right temple that wasnt there the last time i saw him (sunday) i hate to say it but i think he's going down hill fast but he wont except it,too proud to to ask for help...i want to tell his family and my son but after another talk tonight he still insisting no....i feel soon i will have to take control and tell him im telling family and our son...i know he wont see it as a good thing but his time is limited i dont think that has sunk in yet with him...but it sure has with me.......
This group health.groups.yahoo.com/.../debisdukedeterminers is for anyone and everyone who needs support! All those who have been affect by brain tumors. This group is in honor of my best friend Debi, who was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme IV in September/2008. I am her primary caregiver as well very familiar with the disease and its ramifications. We need your input!
In addition all those who want to support the research for brain tumors, We are trying to get as many sponsors and/or walkers to aid in the cure of brain cancer. The sponsor download sheet can be found at Debi's website. We need volunteers to for this walk/run would really appreciate the help! Ask anyone you can to sponsor, every bit helps! You can call 919-455-5389 for additional information and visit the website: www.debisdukedeterminers.com
well its been awhile since i wrote on here,and i am finding out what the future holds for my sons dad,loss of mobilty rages and sudden deafness that comes and goes,the past several weeks i have watch him go down hill so fast,but unforunatley he is still in denial of his cancer,he now sleeps in a hospital bed dpwn stairs and has not been able to walk for a few weeks now,his right side was effected with paralisis now his left side is getting just as weak...also the high volume of steriods he was on effected his legs badly so swollen and leaking district nurse coming in every other day now to dress them his speech has almost vanished..and as of today the pain has started...............
when he first got told his brain tumour was terminal i didnt know what to expect but im finding out and although i feel for him i have to be stern with him (breaks my heart too) but i give a yard he takes a mile ive been told im right in doing this but i wonder some days.....
I have another problem now,his family.......they live not 3 miles away and they dont vist or even ring to see how their son and brother is doing,i'm doing this by myself and my family and friends are really worried,i appreciate his mums 80 but not to ring??? i have plans next month that have been in place since last year my family and friends are saying for me to still go but if his family are not willing to help what other choice do i have??i could ask for restbite but he doesnt want that so any ideas would be appreciated...and now to add to my ever mounting daily problems with him i almost broke my elbow today,doctor at the hospital said i have really damaged all my soft tissue so lifting is now really difficult and even getting him washed and dressed,im going to have to bite the bullet and have arguments with his family for them to take some of the strain
today my sons dad slipped into a coma and is now recieving 24/7 care,as i am writting this he is downstairs...i dont know how i an surpose to feel?i could rant about the poor care he has recieved since he got told in march he was terminal but what good would it do?i waited 15 weeks for a ramp!!!he got it 2 weeks ago and used it 3 times tops...i dunno think my heads just messed up abit at the moment.my son got told todat his dad was dying (if you read up to my first post you will see his wishes of NOT telling him) of course he was upset shed buckets of tears in fact,but remarkably at 16 years old he is dealing with it very well....up to now....i found next to to no information about what would happen to my sons dad (i know i keep using the words "my sons dad" as we have not been together for over 13 years now although we remained firm friends) i may just for the next person searching in vain write down what has happened at a later date....i dont know how to end this except for i hope man untied make him proud again next season...god speed
