When the squadron came back from the Falklands one of the lads whose nickname was birdsh*t for another reason I may relate later was really envious of the medals everybody had been given. He was actually attached to the squadron and in fact was a member of the Pioneer Corps, for those of you who dont know the Pioneer corps was a regiment of hard working squaddies who got all the jobs nobody else would do - such as digging the thunderboxes (aka latrines) or washing the pans at the cookhouse tent on exercise. The reason being that not many of them could actually write their own names.
Anyway birdsh"t couldnt join the lads because when the squadron left for the falkland islands he was on compassionate leave looking after his mum who had had a heart attack back in blighty, so by the time his compassionate leave was over and on his return to BAOR Germany all but a skeleton crew of the unit had gone off to the south atlantic. Obviously the army arent going to send one pioneer corps soldier out to a theatre of war on his own via the ascension islands and on to the Falklands, would have been way too expensive and anyway there were plenty of infantry bods who could do the pan bash.
So poor birdsh*t didnt get his medal, we told him however on our return that the medal was still available just without the rosette and that if he was quick he could still volunteer to go over and help with the clean up post invasion. So like a good trooper birdsh*t quickly ran off to the squadron clerk and put in his request.
Some three months later birdsh*t returns back to the unit and we all asked him what he had done, did you help with the mine clearance operation or maybe assisted with the very rusty and dangerous argie ammunition clearance from Port Stanley? The questions remained unanswered and we were all intrigued as to just what our friend had been doing over there for 3 months, so in typical military tradition after a squadron discussion we planned our covert action to get to the bottom of the story - we took him to the Naafi bar and got him drunk as a skunk.
Then it came out in all its glory....
"I was given my own accomodation at the airport" Turned out he stayed in a little shed at the bottom of the runway with a kerosine stove for company,
"I had a vital job to do keeping the runway open" hmmm we became impressed and pressed for further information helped along with a couple more apfelkorn chasers with more Warsteiner beers.
Turns out that our friend Trooper Birdsh*t was actually tasked with a vital nature conservation job, when the planes took off down the runway the King Penguins would watch them coming toward them for take off and when the plane overflew them they kept watching until they fell over backwards, a King Penguin having only stubs of wings and no arms find it almost impossible to get up again....
Soooooooo Trooper Birsh*ts job was to go out each time a flight took off and yes you guessed it........ P P Pick up the Penguins...........
The really sad thing was that he didnt get his medal after all as the medal alone was awarded for 30 days continuous or accumulated service between 2 April and 14 June 1982 completing no later than 12 July 1982 apparently and he completed his service well after this time - poor lad :-)
SwillyBilly
