Well, as far as I know Mum is still doing pretty well.
Had a rough couple of weeks on the Radiotherapy, as the tumour is close to the gullet and this resulted in a painful burning in her throat. She was quite down for a couple of weeks as for the first time she felt frail and weak. On the very day the consultant said things would begin to ease (10 days after the end of RT) she began to feel better and now having had her 5th chemo is back to fine fettle.
However, things are bad with the Saint. (this is the man my mother married, who is a nasty, evil and very stupid human being) Since the stuff hit the fan and he kicked off things have been awful. I thought we could get along and Christmas Day seemed to go well - I'm a fantastic actress and while it irked me I didn't mind pandering to him and being nice for Mothers sake.
Sadly every time I visit I am made to feel most unwelcome, and phone calls are the same. I didn't go round for a month as I had a stinking cold and even that didn't please him - I popped in for half an hour and he didn't speak to me. I know Mum will be paying for my visits after I go, if you know what I mean? So I don't go very often.
I phoned up this week and asked to speak to him for his lasagne recipe. I know how to make a friggin lasagne, but I just wanted to *try* and kiss his arse a bit, make things easier. He wouldn't speak to me and said "your mother will tell you...." and before I knew it she was back on the line. I could tell she was surprised at his behaviour. But she has made her choice and I have to accept that it aint me. Never has been. Whenever I phone she can't get off the phone quick enough.
I know we all have our problems, but I've had a fair bit of sh1t in my life recently, horse been really ill, dog been ill, financial worries, split from dreadful relationship and another, awful bout of my long running depressive illness - not to mention Mums illness. I was lucky enough after 18months of waiting to visit a consultant pshycholgist for most of last year and it has made me realise that the relationship with my Mother has never and will never be what I want it to be.
There is no time left to try and remedy the situation, people don't "beat" lung cancer. I toyed with the idea of telling her how I feel but what will that achieve? I just have to bite my tongue and keep trying, for her sake.
But it is like I have begun to grieve before she has even died.
FormerMember
hello sim, your having a rotten time but you know that your-self. I think you're right to accept that you don't have and never have had the relationship with your mum that you would have wished for. I'm sorry you have difficulty with your mum's husband and obviously i dont know the full picture, you tried to make ammends, i'm sure. I can't advise you, it wouldn't be appropriate, just wanted you know how sorry i am.
I'm sorry you are having a rough time and I really sympathise. I love my sister and her kids to bits, I'm the oldest she is the youngest.. I know that if push came to shove she would be there for me, but I also have to accept that I will not and do not have the type of relationship with her that I would want. This is because she does not react or behave in the same way as me, she's not me.
Its hard to acknowledge that your mum has made a choice and that it does not include you to the degree you would want, it hurts.. but you are doing all you can and thats important for you.
just sending you some love & virtual hugs your way , have to agree wth what lindaj says . you are trying your best to keep the peace & thats all you can do. your mothers husband isn't going to change if he has always been like that niether is your mum sweetheart. it must be so hard for you at this present moment if you ever need someone to sound off to please pm me i will listen & try to help you where i can but please go see your gp & tell him how you feel you don't want to make yourself ill with all this stress .look after yourself sim just remember i am here if you need me with lots of love n hugs theresa
Thanks so much for the support, lindaj, carolb and treeze - its greatly appreciated xxx And Sindy you have not overstepped the mark, more like hit the nail on the head! Wise words indeed, and I have to agree with you, I don't want to end up cutting my nose off to spite my face and feeling the guilt forever.
After all, I am the stronger one and ultimately a product of her and will continue to persevere.
