Hey friends,
Well following on from last weeks blog about the Saint, it wasn't long before it all kicked off *rolls eyes*
I stayed away from Mums whilst she was in her lowest immunity week following her first chemo. I know its a bit of an over-reaction, but I would hate to give her germs. I work with the public (and the skankier side of the public at that) and am usually grubby from the animals etc so I didn't want to risk her health unneccesarily. Anyway, I spoke to her on the phone lots, and everytime the Saint answered the phone I just said, cheerily (trying to keep the peace) "hiya, is Mum there?" and the line would just go silent - not a word - until I hear Mum's voice! the first time it happened I thought it was a wrong number!!
So I go round Thursday, he's not there. Me and Mum have a lovely chat and a catchup. She is feeling and looking FAB! Was really tired on that middle week, but one the climb back up again now, had even been to town in the Marks & Spencer 20% off sale! She reports her hair is just starting to come out, dribs and drabs, but you would never know to look at her. She is blessed with thick hair, like me - italian genes (don't ask!) Anyway, the Saint walks in, greets Mum and gives her a kiss. Mum asks if he is going to say hello to me, jokily, thinking he has forgotten, he says, "No, not really" and walks off!
Now Mum and Neil are usually such quiet, reserved people, not often a raised voice or an argument so this was a surprise. I was so angry, I thought to myself -Why can't you just keep your bloody mouth shut? But no, he has to have a tantrum. Anyway, it kicked off big style. I just sat there, quite shocked to be honest. He was shouting and pointing at me "Are you gonna tell your Mother what you said to me last week". I said, "Well, I wasn't intending to no, I didn't want to upset her, but being as you cant keep your trap shut and have to make it all about you, then I will". So I tell her, with him screaming and going at me. he said some extremely hurtful things, but abuse to me is like water off a ducks back. I deal with arseholes all day every day, confrontation is something I can deal with without blowing up and reacting. I just sat there and listened to all this diatribe while my Mum was crying and so upset. I was so damn angry I can tell you, and if Mum wasn't so poorly I would have torn the bastard apart (verbally, I'm a lover, not a fighter!). I told him calmly he was acting irrationally, like a control freak and that wasn't what love was at all. I offered to make up and get over it if he would, but he was clearly so angry.
How can anyone get so angry over something so ridiculous !! Well, I obviously hit a raw nerve in the first place and when faced with truths, sometimes the only thing people can do is come out on the defensive. However, he must have seen how upset Mum was and seriously, like flicking on a switch he went from tazmanian devil to charming in an instant and offered to make up. Of course I went along with it all and I hope it appeared sincere, for Mums sake.
Thing is, you just don't expect this stuff to happen in your own family. Its like a soap opera on the telly or something, really bizarre. I couldn't apologise to Mum enough for having to have witnessed this debacle.
Of course the upshot is that I think the man is a bit nuts. Perhaps love makes you irrational. I've always thought it overrated personally, lol ! However, he is doing a good job of looking after her, and I just want her to be happy. So we are all getting on and I'll just have to watch him and bit my tongue, can't risk him chucking another selfish tantrum if I say something!
She is back at hospital tomorrow for blood tests, scans and x-rays to check progress. Then 2nd chemo begins Tuesday for 3 days. Things are so far, so good. I have posted in the forums to ask for some success stories - if anyone has them - of small cell lung cancer, or treatment of sclc stories. Anything positive that I could print off to show Mum.
Thanks for listening to me guys, sorry for bleating on. Honestly, this site and you bunch are such a lifeline. I only hope I can be of some support to people in the future when this is all over, I really hope to stick around.
Loads of Love - Simone xx
FormerMember
I was just coming to the same conclusion, that this mine isn't entirely sane, when I scrolled down and saw that you had already decided this. It must be very worrying for you, and as for your poor Mum being in the position she is in, he must be absolutely mad to distress her further. As you say, I think he has been learning his interpersonal skills from soap operas.
Thank heavens that your Mum has you to keep an eye on things. At least you can call round when he is not there. Perhaps it might be an idea to have a few codewords between your Mum and yourself in case he starts acting in a more manipulative way with her.
I'm sending best wishes for the chemo on Tuesday. Will you be able to get and see your Mum?
Not only is this guy an arsehole, he's seriously deranged with it! But I wouldn't worry too much as he is clearly devoted to your mum and is probably fine with her when no-one esle is around. You're probably red rag to his bull. He obviously can't cope with strong women. Some fellers can't. So just try to keep your head down and your gob shut as much as poss (not easy, I know) and try to see your mum when he's not around. Explain to her that you can't get on with the guy and just make sure he's treating her OK. I'm sure he is.
I was only just thinking about how you all were this morning! I log on now and see this lol. I do think this man is manipulative but at least your Mum saw him in his true colours. Poor lady to have to feel torn between her daughter and her husband. At least she knows you were willing to be civil even if he wasn't. I suppose if he had only just started acting like this you could put it down to fear about your mum's condition but from what you told us in your first blog he has gradually seen off family and friends right from the beginning.
As long as he is taking good care of your mum then we must give him the benefit of doubt, BUT I do think it is a good idea to have a 'code' if things change for the worse at home for mum. When our girls were younger and wanted to stay at friends overnight we had a code if they got worried about anything they were being asked/expected to do by the others then they could ring home and say "Dad/Mum can you bring me that CD I meant to bring?" That would mean they wanted to come home without the others knowing. Then we could turn up and act the 'heavy' parent by saying they had to come home now!! Thankfully they never needed to use it and hopefully the same will be for your mum.
Things are all going ok this week and keeping on an even keel, so thats great. Hopefully Mum can forget about it, for at least a while anyways and we can all get on with the main problem.
The code is an **excellent** idea - will speak to her about it when I get the chance.
