My father, age 65 was diagnosed with terminal metatstatic pancreas cancer following a CT scan in April 2009 after suffering with misdiagnosed conditions since February 2009 (it was thought he had an ulcer, gall stones, pylori...). He visited his GP so many times and after reading the symptoms of pancreas cancer I find it hard to believe they didn't spot this.
He was dreadfully ill and I after being in and out of hospital with no real diagnosis I finally decided enough was enough and took him to A&E demanding they find out what it was before they sent him home. It was then he was given the CT scan and the devastating news.
I was in the final 6 weeks of my first pregnancy and needless to say this was heartbreaking for me. I was so looking forward to my baby but filled with sadness that my father was not going to be around to see her grow up.
We knew the prognisis is poor for this type of cancer and were disappointed that there was no surgery option but at the same time hopeful when he was able to have 3 courses of chemo. He dealt with the chemo relatively well but after the 3rd round he became ill on and off resulting in him being unable to have further chemo leaving a gap of around 8 weeks between his previous scan which had showed no change as though the chemo was working to him having dreadful pain and feeling very poorly. He went into hospital 2 weeks ago and whilst there had a further CT scan - this showed that he now has multiple tumours in his liver and we were told that there is no further treatment to slow the cancer growth and that the only treatments he can now are to ease his pain. The doctors cannot give a definite "how long" but they advised that he could have several months or weeks depending on how fast his symptoms worsen, at this point we do not know whether or not he will see Christmas.
Words cannot describe the pain I feel to be living this nightmare. I am so in love with my little girl but it breaks my heart everytime my dad looks at her as I know he is devastated that he won't be here to see her growing up. My mum and dad mean the world to me and I just can't imagine him not being here and I worry so much how my mum will cope without him and also nursing him through his final days. They have been together for 45 years and were just looking forward to their retirement. My father has undergone 3 operations in the last 3 years having 2 new hips and a heart valve replacement which was only in January this year - how pointless all that pain seems now when he had this demon silently growing inside him.
It all seems so unfair, my father has never smoked, hardly ever drinks and is not overweight - where on earth did this come from?
It is so hard because whilst I want him to stay with us as long as possible I also don't want him to have to suffer and want to fast forward through the pain of knowing we are losing him over and over again each time he has a bad day.
As it stands he is going in hospital tomorrow for a spinal block procedure to see if this can relieve his pain so fingers crossed this works and he can at least get some relief. Maybe then he will feel more up to fighting and I pray that he can at least be here for my daughter's 1st Christmas.
My heart goes out to every family battling this dreadful disease X
