Yesterday I spent the day with an old school friend I haven't seen for 20 years! It was great to see him and we started off talking like it was only last week that we saw each other. But, after we got all the pleasantries out the way we really started to talk. Long story short is he had a huge tumour on his kidney, had that kidney removed, is recovering and is going through a period of not knowing weather the cancer has spread yet.
Now, we talked for great deal about what we had both gone through over the past few months and lamented about the issues we had during our hospital stays but, it became clear quite quickly he was opening up to me very easily and with great urgency. It turned out that although his family support was in place and great and working he had not talked to other people with cancer, or even looked for sites like this to talk, share or listen.He was in desperate need to let some feelings out and when he did the relief was evident. We had a good day. I sent him away with the local resources that I use and have forwarded him list of bookmarks and favourite sites. Afterwards I felt empowered that I had helped him even though I was still clutching at straws myself in my daily grind to gain knowledge and weed out disinformation on my illness, emotions and quality of life.
And then I asked myself, "Am I doing enough to talk/chat/shoot the shit with other cancer sufferers and terminally ill people?" and I think the answer is NO.
So watch out ..... I may turn up in chat room later!
FormerMember
No kidding Shank!
I'm a caregiver, and I'm what I call a "high disclosure" kind of personality. I have no secrets, don't care, have always been quite forthcoming. Good and bad quality depending on the situation. Hubby, who has the cancer, is what I often call "emotionally constipated". Ha ha. Anyway, we recently were visited by a neighbor (we just moved here) and he had heard of Dave's cancer and Dave was out in the yard working. He came over to introduce himself to Dave (I had met him some time earlier) and gushed on about how inspirational and wonderful it was to see him out working in the yard. Ok, seems like a cool thing to do. Well....it turns out he just learned his 10 year old son has leukemia. I was run over by a truck! I had a flash of emotions running through me in a split second. Anger, sorrow, fatigue, you name it. Anyway, my normally, very quiet, reserved, uncomfortable about sharing, hubby starts to talk, and talk, and talk. He reaches out to this guy the way I would and have to people all my life. So motor mouth Lori, shut the hell up, stepped slightly back and just experienced what was occurring for the two of them. It was amazing! As his wife of 28 years and his caregiver, you know, I get to hear all the crap, pessimism, aches, pains, you name it. Its OK really it is, but because I don't get the other stuff its sometimes a bit hard. Kind of like watching too much news on the TV - its all bad, doom and gloom. Seeing my husband share his philosophy, optimism, care and concern for this father was so wonderful and heartening for me. I felt rejuvenated, proud and lucky (to have experienced seeing this exchange).
So very, very well done to you! I have watched you "grow" a lot on this site. It is an absolute pleasure to experience Shank! Its inspirational. Best to you! Lori
