hi
feeling a bit low today. its a year and one day since i was diagnosed. (yesterday had a ct scan done) results due on thursday. ( i hate this bit, is it back, is it not) anyway what a year. not only have i had to deal with the cancer but help my daughter through 2 miscarriages the last one being week before christmas. the baby would have been due this month. i think she dealt with it better than me. she sems happy now and has moved away with her boyfriend. i was a bit upset at first but she has to live her life and this is a new chapter for her and her boyfriend. so i'm pleased for them. two weeks ago my youngest daughter was in hospital in intensive care. she had been out with friends then i get a phone call from the police saying shes unconcious on the beach. it turns out she had been drinking. (this was a cry for help) she is so scared i'm going to die and shes going to be on her own. as her sister has moved away and her dad put his new partner and her kids before her. i spent the night at the hospital by her bedside. i phoned her dad he didn't even come up to see her he just told me to ring him with any news. this made more daughter worse. how do i help my daughter? she has a macmillian nurse but she doesn't want to talk to her at the moment. i've told her i'll fight this diease all the way and she knows everything going on with me as i'm very open about this. she said she wants to know everything aswell. i've given her a diary so she can write her thoughts and feelings down to see if this helps. i've phoned her dad and told him he needs to make more of an effort ( it was like talking to a brick wall) he told me he puts himself first. i feel so angry. has anyone else got any ideas of how i can help my daughter? i'm on my own so haven't got a partner to help me, even though i've got good friends around me. sorry its a bit depressing i can't write anymore as i cant see the screen through my tears. sharon x
FormerMember
Oh Sha - your blog brought tears to my eyes too. Your poor daughter - I too, was largely ignored by my father after he remarried, and it is so, so hurtful. But my mum, like you, is wonderful, my rock, one of my best friends. She is worth 10 of my father.
I, also am almost exactly 1 year on from diagnosis of a rare neuroendocrine cancer. Incurable, but possibly controllable. Unfortunately my son has just been diagnosed with the same thing (it's hereditary), he is 24.
Looking back now, the shock of diagnosis and the future implications took months and months to impact fully. And honestly, for me, the macmillan team haven't been that much help. (Although I do like my macmillan nurse). Maybe try to find a local bowel cancer support group? Being in touch with 2, just 2 people who have the same as me (it's so rare) has been the most help. So maybe your daughter would benefit from talking to other bowel cancer patients and their families. As for her father? well, it's taken me almost 51 years to be able to say mine is a waste of space - that's just the way it is sometimes. It's their loss, not ours. Much love, Jeanie xx
was so sad to read your blog :( and you had such a good time last week meeting martin clunes!!
my partner has also got inoperable bowel cancer and secondary liver, the onslaught of chemo starts next week.
my 2 children are grown up now and have their own lives and my partners son of 14 lives with his mom, he doesnt really know about my partners dx just knows he not well at the moment, i dont really agree with this, i think at that age kids are sensible and stronger than we think and by keeping things from them doesnt give them a chance to deal with it-if that makes sense?
i think your doing the right thing with your daughter and i agree with jeanie about her talking things over with someone-maybe introduce her to this site?
you are doing a fantastic job! never forget how special you are!!
I'm really sorry things are so hard for you. My daughter, 20 when I was diagnosed, was very frightened and its hard to know how to help them. She has no relationship with her father who behaved badly and left 3 years ago, so I can understand the distress. Guess your ex can't deal with it, so he's decided to ignore it. Keep talking with your daughter so that she doesn't bottle up her feelings. Wish I could say something useful........we're all here for you. xx
