i am trying not to be emotional about all of this. although i am allowed to be emotional that my father isnt here, right? the way he died, how he died, is still churning away, i push the feelings away and deal with practicality after practicality, i arranged his funeral which was one of the most difficult things, i have kept three complaints going, which feels like rubbing my head on a cheese grater. when will i have my time? my time to just relax and feel sad? i cannot allow myself to connect with all of the deep turmoil that is bubbling away inside. yes this smacks of self pity, but bloody hell, this is my little tiny and private space to rant and feel sorry for myself if i want to.
i thought after being up half the night i would sleep, but no, another hour and i look like hell. need to use exercise bike, burning off 500 calories a day is therapeutic.
i received an email from my mp yesterday informing me that the social services investigation was complete and all of my claims were unsubstantiated. apart from it being untrue, its ongoing, and misinforming my mp, a seperate dept of social services has it seems already reached a conclusion. hence the metaphorical head banging of the process. i know im going through all of the proper motions here when a conclusion has been made already.
my mother spoke to one of the people at the meeting and he said that the email should not have been sent, the investigation is ongoing and they were 'pre-emptive'.
in the cold light of day, this is just the last few months of a 69yr old man's life. and through dealing with all associated authorities, bodies, whatever, from carers, safeguarding adults teams, pct, social services, nursing homes, care providers, macmillan nurses and others, they are all the same. they lie. they do not do the right thing. they are reluctant to do anything but continue in the static status quo. it is a tremendous battle to do the right thing and i cannot believe in so little time, so many people failed. im not searching for a cure to cancer, for all the wrongs to be righted as said, but when will people be treated with some decency and dignity. the general public are treated as annoyances, problematic, reduced to consumers with no statutory rights. well, none that mean anything in the cold light of day.
my conclusion is that the current investigation with social services had a bias from the start. its conclusion was made at the very start. my complaints will always be unsubstantiated yet the word of a few incompetent nursing staff that cannot keep proper records is not questioned and is substantiated.
good day.
