scared

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

28 Mar 2010

hi there im am new to this site, my name is zoe and i am 22 years old, my mum has been fighting against melanoma cancer now for two years.

She has had two small operations and one major one to remover half of her liver, and it was followed by radiation treatment.

Two days ago she was given some bad news that the cancer has spread yet again. She has been offered chemotherapy although there is only a 20% chance it will do any good. She is awaiting for another appointment this week to speak with a surgeon and see if they can operate however it is not looking good.

i am still in shock, have not stopped crying for two days and feel so alone, so it is a relief to finally talk to people who are going through a similar thing.

i have so many things going round in my head like who will look after my dad when she is gone, i feel so angry and upset that she will probably never see me get married or have children.

i am close to my mum but i just dont know what to say to her, if i do say anything i am worried i will break down in front of her at the momment i have been hiding away to avoid this.

i have two older brothers and we are there for each other but i still feel like i cant let everything out in front of them. i also have a boyfriend who i have been with for 3 years now however he doesnt always know what to say and i just end up feeling angry and sad again. out relationship has had its ups and downs lately and im not sure if he will be there for me.

if anyone has any advice on how to cope i will be grateful

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hi Zoe its good to meet you! Im so sorry that you are facing this situation with your Mum and Im not surprised that you are scared - of course it is scary. But I think it is both natural and healthy for you to cry and cry - its the bodys way of releasing stress and tension so keep those tears comming hun. Maybe when you are all cried out then you can reassess the situation and plan to do some fun things with your Mum - you know what I mean - make some special moments together - take loads of photos so you capture them. I mean for you to do this whether or not she decides to do the chemo - because either way you wont regret doing some lovely things with your Mum.

As a Mum who knows the cancer will win eventually in my case, my heart goes out to you. I think you maybe just need to get your Mum alone and give her a great big hug - you don't need words to tell her how you feel. I promise you she will know anyway.

I have two daughters one of whom is very demonstrative and who vocalises her fears regularly and one who wont discuss anything - but I know they both care and love me. Us Mums just know!

I can see you want to be there to support your Mum but I think you also need to have fun yourself and keep your own goals in focus. As for your boyfriend we will see what he is made of perhaps in the future and many of us can tell you tales of how cancer makes you find out who your friends are - all I will say is - you need support !

Sending you lots of love and a big hug Jools xxxxx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Hello Zoe,

I lost my Dad to cancer when I was 16. I'm 26 now and rarely talk about it but I read you're post and just wanted to say hello.

I was quite self obsessed aged 16. I really just wanted to think about boys/clothes/music. So I pulled away from my family and never really attempted to say the right thing. In fact the day that my Dad passed I heard him calling for me before I set off for work and I pretended not to hear. I don't regret this. What could we possibly have talked about? Neither of us wanted to say goodbye. He knows I love him. I do!

Obviously the happiest moments in my life will be tinged with sadness in his absence. I'm not married and I dont have children. He would have been the BEST granddad just as he was a Dad. I know he would be so proud of who I am now and It's incredibly unfortunate he left me a hormonal mess but somehow I just feel he knows me still.

I don't suppose any of this is advice - I just wanted you to put less pressure on yourself. Cry all you like, how can you be any other way?

After my Dad passed my family went our sepearate ways trying to paper over our eternal disappointment.

Then my sister was diagnosed with Cancer. Amazingly that brought us all together again. She's now 18 and in remission.

You're doing the right thing seeking support on here and trying to be your best for the people you love. In my experience it's best to express yourself but everyone is different. Give yourself time. You might feel one thing one moment and another the next.

My heart goes out to you! BIG HUG

Kim xxxxx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

hi just want to give u a hug , my husband has just been diagnosed with cancer, and the hardest thing to talk about as everytime we do we end up crying, i lost my dad when i was 16 im now 44yrs old and it was hard then , and it got easer but it feels like iv got to go through it all again, just be there for your mum and when she wants to talk about it im sure she will tell u....xxx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Thanks so much everyone for your reply and the kind words, everything is just so new and scary at the moment..this site really does help me alot.

It makes me feel better just writing a few things down, and hearing from people in a similar situation.

It has been quite hectic last few days loads of visiters coming to see mum when really all she wants is to be left alone in peace.

She has now told me abit more about whats happing so now i feel abit more involved.

I hope to do more things with my mum even if it is going for a walk just somewhere that we can get away from it all and have some fun.

i really appreciate hearing from you all, and to chat with people who know how hard these times can be makes me feel normal again, much love to you all xx
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