My darling Dad died late on Thursday night. He got admitted to hospital whilst we were on holiday but fotunatly I got home in time.Apparently he had pneumonia.I was talking to Dad up untill Tuesday on the phone but he was so breathless I then only Spoke to the hospital.Im finding it hard to see how he could have deteriorated so quickly. When I got to the hospital on Thursday evening I asked if he was still on the antibiotics and was told that apart from pain relief they hd stopped treatment as it was'nt working.How can they do that, surely they have to try.I have read lots of info on pneumonia and it seems that they did very little compared to what they could have done, anyway, who the hell are they to say they are gonna stop treatment. I feel really angry at the moment, and sad that I could have had Dad with us for a while longer. I feel I should be sat at home crying all day, but im not. I have my moments, plenty of them but how should I be feeling??? what should I be doing. I mean, today I have to go to get new school uniform for the kids, how normal is that. I want some one blame . I want to know everyrthing. Does anyone know if I have a right to see his medical records? I just have such a muddled mind at the moment
FormerMember
I dont think there are any right or wrong emotions while you are grieving, you will cope with it and feel whatever is right for you. If going and getting uniform is what you need to do and feel up to doing it then go with it as there is nothing wrong with that at all. Its probably good to carry on as 'normal' to some extent. I think with regard to the hospital and how your dad was treated maybe go to your GP and have a good chat to them or another health professional you really trust. Its not the same thing at all but when I was quite a bit younger I had a miscarriage. They didnt find a heartbeat on the scan, I should have been 13 weeks but the baby had died at 9 weeks. I then read somewhere they cant hear the heartbeat until 8 weeks and convinced myself they were wrong and I was probably less than 8 weeks and that my baby was still alive and ok. I think it was a bit of denial, no not denial because I hate that term, thats what people say who have never been through such grief, more disbelief. Its a defense, a way of protecting yourself from what has really happened and allowing the sadness to take over for a while so you are able to let go. I think you have every right to investigate things with the hospital and every right to feel cheated over your dads death and the fact you wanted to have more time. Just try not to let it take over. I hope you start to feel better soon and get the answers and support you really need, I will be thinking of you xx
My son was chatting on the phone to me on the Tuesday night hoping I was going through to visit him in hospital,he had been on massive amounts antibiotics for chest with pneumonia developing.
He was not strong enough to clear his chest,he had Chronic Progressive M.S.he started deteriorating rapidly on Wednesday,Doctors called families to his bedside he passed away Thursday at 0840 July 2nd.
Apparently,the breathing gets shallower until the respiratory centre in the brain gets so starved of oxygen,even with constant mask on,that it tells the lungs to stop breathing,its pretty rapid.My son was 37.
Sarah we all deal with grief in our own way and often have thoughts that challenge what happened and why, I know from when my mother died when I was 22, and I ended up giving evidence in a coroners court and would have loved to ask more questions of the health professionals, but it would not have change things.
Sometimes its hard to let the ones we love go and find peace and I am sure the hospital did what they could. I hope Pauls comments help you understand better.
And that you find peace soon and have the answers you need so that you can remember the good times you had with your dad.
So sorry for your loss. You emotions will be all over the place and it is perfectly normal. Please don't blame the medics for letting your father go - they know when the fight it too much and that it is often kinder to the patient to stop aggressive treatment. In time you will be able to remember him with a smile and know he is at peace.
Sarah everything you are feeling right now is normal and we have to carry on doing our daily normal routines especially when we have children, your Dad would know that and would want you to keep life as normal as you can for all of you.
You are still in shock as everything happenend so suddenly. I can understand your feelings of anger I had them too when i lost my Dad last year, although he was very ill with cancer, he was moved from a hospital ward to a nursing home as his needs were very complicated but i found out that the Drs in the hospital had not sent all of Dads drug chart with him and the staff at the home did not know he was supposed to be on meds for very high blood pressure, he was without them for a week and died suddenly from a stroke..i was so angry but time has given me a chance to reflect and i think, now my Dad was spared some pain and suffering.
