juggling..coping...angry..is any of it real??

wow i cant believe anyone responded, thank you all, my bad for not being on here for ages, lost my password and time for that matter!

My dad extremley sadly past away 31 may, he deteriated very quickly over a week and was sedated in the end which was so un naturel but pain free.  apologise for my spelling!!

getting through each day like you have to, can hear him verbally kicking me up the ar*e to get on with it, seeing a bereavement counciller too thats hard but felt i needed it as i didnt know if i was going in the right direction and felt very lost and confused.

We all had 1day before he was sedated before we knew he was going to die it was that quick,and he fought it out while he was sedated too lasting 3 days more.  still doesnt seem real typing this now but some how now itl be theraputic in the end.

miss him incredably.

still juggling...coping...and is any of it real...?

feel alone although i have so many around me

had my cancer removed 2days after he died, all gone thank fully, having a check up to see if the bas**** disease has returned, has sunk in every day a bit more and scared the sh** out of me since me dad gone, coz havent got him to look after as a distraction from my cancer. or his protection wat dads do best

feels like so much is pending on if it has come back straight away, if i can get passed this one clear then i can feel a little more confident about future tests.

heart felt feelings and air hugs going out to all those people who responded and wider that have been effected one way or another, wish i was in a position to offer more support but hey ive got through this far, sense of humour a good go on the punch bag every so often and my happy beautiful boy :-)

thank you again x

Aw I'm so sorry to read that your dad has passed away. As you know I can relate to how you are feeling. I am 4 and a half months down the line, but not finding it any easier to cope with. I still find it hard to believe that dad isn't here.

I have posted a reply on your other blog about your biopsy, but will say again, I hope it all goes well for you.

Take care of yourself. Best wishes, Christine xx

thank you christine, for taking the time,im really sorry about your dad, if i havent said before.  i get those days where i suddenly remember as it were that its a fact, even though i go to his grave several time a week, and think of him everyday,look at pics talk about him to my little one, its like my brain trying to temporarily cope by pretending it isnt real for a while. :-(

i am still seeing a counciller who is great, i think she has done what i needed her for and im so glad i requested help because i really wasnt sure what path i would lead my self down.  im sure you have felt all these emotions and more, it does hep

lp to hear i

a similar story from someone else xxx